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The Funnies

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February 17, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Hillary Clinton Wants To Accomplish On Her Trip Overseas

10 Exchange U.S. dollars for currency that's worth something

9 Win respect defeating Japan's top-ranked sumo wrestler

8 Shift world's perception of America from "hated" to "extremely disliked"

7 Personally thank all of her illegal campaign donors

6 Three words: stylish Indonesian pantsuits

5 Visit burial site of revered Chinese military leader, General Tso

4 Get drunk with that Japanese finance minister guy

3 Convince China to switch from lead-tainted products to mercury-tainted products

2 Catch Chinese screening of Benjamin Button entitled "The Strange Adventures of Freaky Grandpa Baby"

1 Pick up carton of duty-free smokes for Obama

February 16, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Abraham lincoln Would Say If He Were Alive Today

10 "Sup?"

9 "I see Madonna's still a slut"

8 "Who's that handsome sumbitch on the five?"

7 "Is that free Grand Slam deal still going on at Denny's?"

6 "I just changed my Facebook status update to, Tthe 'ol rail splitter is chillaxing'"

5 "How do I get on 'Dancing with the Stars'?"

4 "Okay, Obama, you're from Illinois, too. We get it!"

3 "Hey Phelps, don't Bogart the weed!"

2 "What's the deal with Joaquin Phoenix?"

1 "A Broadway play? Uhhh, no thanks. I'm good."

January 28, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard at the Meeting Between Barack Obama and the Republicans

10 "I miss the Clinton administration when we'd meet at Hooters"

9 "Can we wrap this up? I've got tickets to the 4:30 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop"

8 "Smoke break!"

7 "You fellas really need to take it easy on the Old Spice"

6 "Mr. President: don't misunderestimate the Republicans"

5 "Another smoke break!"

4 "What was the deal with Aretha Franklin's hat?"

3 "About that tax the rich stuff -- you were joking, right?"

2 "Sir, it's refreshing to have a Chief Executive who speaks in complete sentences"

1 "Senator Craig's offering his stimulus package in the men's room"

January 27, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Ways Rod Blagojevich Can Improve His Image

10 Star in new television series, "America's Funniest Haircuts"

9 Quit politics and become a fat, lovable mall cop

8 Start pronouncing last name with Jerry Lewis-like "BLAGOOOYYYJEVICH"

7 Offer a senate seat with no money down, zero percent interest

6 Team up with John Malkovich and Erin Brockovich for hot Malkovich-Brockovich-Blagojevich sex tape

5 Change his name to Barod Obamavich

4 Safely land an Airbus on the Hudson River

3 I don't about showing up for his impeachment trial?

2 Wear sexy dresses, high heels and say, "You Betcha!"

1 Uhhh...resign?

January 16, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Signs Obama's Getting Nervious

10 New slogan: "Yes we can... or maybe not, it's hard to say"

9 In moment of confusion, requested a $300 billion bailout from the bailout industry

8 He's up to not smoking three packs a day

7 Friends say he's looking frail, shaky, that's McCain

6 He's so stressed, doctors say he's developing a Sanjay in his Gupta

5 Been walking around muttering, "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"

4 Offered Governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, $100,000 to buy his old Senate seat back

3 Standing on White House roof screaming, "Save us, Superman!"

2 Sweating like Bill Clinton when Hillary comes home early

1 He demanded a recount

January 8, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Barack Obama Plans To Fix The Economy

10 Encourage tourists to throw spare change in the Grand Canyon

9 End our dependence on foreign owls

8 Sell New Mexico to Mexico

7 Put a little of that bailout money on the Ravens plus 3 at Tennessee. Come on! It's a mortal lock!

6 Rent out the moon for weddings and Bar Mitzvahs

5 Lotto our way out of this son-of-a-bitch

4 Appear on "Deal or No Deal" and hope to choose the right briefcase

3 Bail out the adult film industry -- not sure how it helps, but it can't hurt

2 Release O.J. from prison, have him steal America's money from China

1 Stop talkin' and start Obama-natin'!

January 7, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard At The Presidents' Lunch

10 "Sorry, you're not on the list, Mr. Gore"

9 "If Hillary calls, I've been here since Monday"

8 "Laura! More Mountain Dew!"

7 "You guys wanna see, 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop'?"

6 "Call the nurse -- George swallowed a napkin ring!"

5 "Hey Barack, wanna go with us to Cabo in March? Oh that's right, you have to work!"

4 "Kissey kissey"

3 "Obama? I think he's downstairs smoking a butt"

2 "Did you ever see a monkey sneezing?"

1 "I hope Clinton's unbuckling his belt because he's full"

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August 7th, 2015

PUMA: The Moment Donald Trump Won The #GOPDebate

Update: Blowout: Fox debate may be the most-watched non-sports program in cable history. The next time you hear someone say Trump should drop out for the good of the party, ask yourself how many million viewers you’d be prepared to sacrifice to make that happen. Trump Show GOP Debate smothered the Jon Stewart final show 3.5 million to 24 million. Trumpnado!!!


If the GOP establishment spent half the energy and time to attack Barack Obama as expended this past month to take down Donald Trump…

It was the Trump Show last night. Trump was why Americans watched. But the Fox News “personalities” thought they were the stars – going so far as to hog the largest chunk of the time at the debate. The candidates? They got less speaking time than the Big Media corruptors of the political process.

Last night Fox News did everything it could to take down Donald Trump (if you doubt us, ask Lindsey Graham who agrees with us). The first question was phrased to isolate Donald Trump. It wasn’t “raise your hands if you promise to support the nominee of the party.” The first question instead was premised in the negative to force Trump to be the outsider raising his arm. It was a direct attack on Trump meant to isolate him from the rest of the field and the Republican audience watching the debate.

That first question could have waited for later in the show. Ask a bunch of policy questions and then ask Trump if he would support the party nominee. But the goal was to take down Trump and that is why the question was first and foremost.

Then the first question addressed specifically to Trump was the “War On Women” question savagely posed by Fox News star Megyn Kelly. Right at the beginning. When the biggest audience in an already huge audience was tuned in is when the sharpest attacks on Trump took place.

But that take down Trump strategy we believe helped Trump.

The audience for the debate is huge. Biggest audience for any primary debate ever. It was Trumptastic level viewership. 24 million viewers at least. Biggest cable news show ever. Trumpterrific.

After the incessant attacks on Trump during the Trump Show debate, the Fox News assault continued. Megyn Kelly used her hour following the Trump Show to attack Trump. Charles Krauthammer declared Trump destroyed. Witness via video: Not very classy focus group dumps on Trump after debate. Yeah, it was a “kill Donald” operation. Other than Brit Hume stinking up Megyn Kelly’s show when he said Trump had not hurt himself at all that reality was kept at bay.

Once Brit Hume introduced the Fox News audience to the reality that Trump had not been hurt the possibility loomed that Trump might have been helped by the Fox News/GOP establishment attack. Enter DrudgeReport.

The first signs of trouble for the political class came from the results in a DrudgeReport poll. Trump won the poll massively.

After Drudge, the stars of the night came out: the comments section. Our comments section did the superb job our readers have come to expect. Our comments section was not alone however. Whether it was the Megyn Kelly Facebook page or the Deadline Hollywood site (which appeared to be Trump central as both the writers and the comments sections united in support of Trump) reality blazed forth like a hot sun.

Then this morning, Big Media anti-Trump outlets weighed in. It was not what Fox News and the GOP establishment expected. Trump trumped:

Fox News Couldn’t Kill Trump’s Momentum and May Have Only Made It Stronger

Judging by Thursday’s electric debate, he may have sensed his true opponent before anyone else had a clue: the network.

A few hours before Thursday’s Fox News debate, a friend of Donald Trump’s confided to me that Trump was nervous. Not about the competition—he could handle them. No, Trump worried about Fox News, and in particular, debate moderator Megyn Kelly. She’d been hammering him all week on her show, and he was certain she was out to get him. He’d canceled a Fox News appearance on Monday night, the friend said, in order to avoid her. (Trump’s spokeswoman wouldn’t confirm or deny this.)

It turns out Trump was right. His toughest opponents Thursday night weren’t the candidates up on stage, but the Fox News moderators, who went right after him—none with more gusto than Kelly. [snip]

But Trump saw her coming a mile away and cut her off. “Only Rosie O’Donnell,” he barked, drawing cheers from the crowd. When Kelly tried to point out that he had insulted more women than O’Donnell, Trump, as he would all night, steamrolled right past her. “The big problem this country has is being politically correct,” Trump practically shouted, invoking conservatives’ favorite term of disdain. “I’ve been challenged by so many people and I don’t frankly have time for total political correctness and to be honest with you this country doesn’t have time either.” The crowd went wild.

Maybe they were cheering because the question was apropos of something Rachel Maddow would ask, and they were, after all, Republicans. But I think they were cheering because it was clear, at that moment, that Trump was going to be Trump, and wasn’t going to heed the pundits and phonies to tone down his act. [snip]

But judging by Thursday’s raucous, electric debate, Trump may have sensed his true opponent before anyone else had a clue: It’s Fox News. Throughout the evening, Trump and his inquisitors battled back and forth like gladiators. Both parties emerged as huge winners. Though nearly devoid of substance, it was the most entertaining debate I’ve ever seen. [snip]

Hurling insults, Trump went after O’Donnell, political reporters, Bowe Bergdahl, China, Mexico, Japan, money lenders, and practically everyone in Washington. “Our leaders are stupid,” he said, “Our politicians are stupid.” He did stop short of calling Mexicans “rapists,” but not by much. “We need to build a wall, and it has to be built quickly,” he said. “We need to keep illegals out.”

While the moderators went after Trump, the candidates mostly shied away from him. In fact, consciously or otherwise, several echoed his points and nearly everyone tried to match his energy. Some even seemed to genuflect. “Donald Trump is hitting a nerve in this country,” Ohio Governor John Kasich said at one point. “Mr. Trump is touching a nerve because people want to see a wall being built.”

Only Paul mustered the nerve to launch a pair of (pretty weak) direct attacks. He might have regretted it. Trump dispatched him with a single, withering aside (“You’re having a hard time tonight”) that was all the more effective because it was true. [snip]

What’s more interesting than any Trump question or answer, though, was the larger dynamic at play. If Fox News has really turned on Trump, it will add a fascinating new twist to the race. Right now, Trump is the dominant candidate in the field because he has exerted a broad appeal to every part of the Republican Party. How might those Republicans react to Fox News—their own network!—aggressively trying to take down their favorite candidate?

To find out, I called Janet Roberts, 69, a nurse in Bellville, Ohio, who participated in last week’s Bloomberg Politics poll and supported Trump (“He has the balls to stand up to the career politicians”). She had agreed to give me her reaction immediately after the debate. When I called, Roberts was furious. “I had more emotion about Fox News tonight than I did about Donald Trump,” she told me. “Those questions were not professional questions. They were bullying. They were set up to purposely make them all look bad. Our country is a mess and I feel like the debate was an example of that. I’m still with Trump.

In fact, Roberts said, after watching the debate, she felt even more strongly than before. [snip]

We won’t know for a few more days if other Republicans reacted to the debate as Roberts did. But my guess is that Trump didn’t hurt himself and might even emerge stronger than before.

For those who back faltering candidate and think Trump as the #1 in the field deserved heightened scrutiny the Fox News assault was music. But there was no “heightened scrutiny” of Trump. It reminded us of 2008 as Barack Obama proved himself a boob every time he debated Hillary Clinton and finally Big Media in the form of the fat drunken slob Tim Russert had to intervene to rescue Obama. Think these memories of Hillary2008 bias us in favor of Trump and against the unfair and unbalanced assault by Fox News last night? Here’s Trump hater Lindsey Graham:

ET TU, FOX NEWS’?: GOP presidential contender Lindsay Graham calls Fox News’ questions of Donald Trump “more of an inquisition than it was a debate.

Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) is criticizing Fox News, saying the moderators of Thursday night’s debate were too harsh with GOP rival Donald Trump.

This was more of an inquisition than it was a debate,” Graham said on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” on Friday morning. “It was a missed opportunity to talk about things that really mattered.”

Graham charged that the debate moderators, Bret Baier, Chris Wallace and Megyn Kelly, were particularly unfair in their questioning of Trump, the outspoken billionaire who is leading many GOP polls.

“At the end of the day, ask the man a question that explains his position and his solutions rather than a ten-minute question that describes him as the biggest bastard on the planet,” Graham quipped.

The South Carolina lawmaker said that Thursday night’s contest resulted in a lost chance at addressing crucial issues like immigration reform.

Did you really understand our position on immigration after this debate?” Graham asked.

Graham is right. It wasn’t that the Fox moderators–mostly Megyn Kelly and Chris Wallace, and to a lesser extent, Brett Baier–asked “tough” questions. I’m all for tough questions. But there’s a difference between “tough” and “snarky,” and I felt there was far more of the latter than the former.

Kelly and Wallace in particular spent precious air time framing their questions as ad hominem attacks rather than a quest to probe serious issues.

Indeed, virtually every major question posed by the Fox moderators began with an insult to each candidate. For example, Kelly’s opening question of Donald Trump was this silliness:

“One of the things people love about you is you speak your mind and you don’t use a politician’s filter,” Kelly said to Trump in the opening minutes. “However, that is not without its downsides, in particular, when it comes to women. You’ve called women you don’t like fat pigs, dogs, slobs, and disgusting animals.”

“Only Rosie O’Donnell,” Trump interjected to laughter.

“For the record, it was well beyond Rosie,” Kelly shot back, noting that Trump had told one contestant on “Celebrity Apprentice” that it would be a pretty picture to “see her on her knees.” “Does that sound to you like the temperament of a man we should elect as president?” Kelly asked.

Was anyone really clamoring for clarification about Trump’s disparaging remarks about women he has opposed through the years, including his remarks on a reality TV show? I, for one, had many more important issues that I wanted to hear about, and Kelly’s decision to highlight this “women’s” issue seemed more designed to feed Democrats’ “war on women” impression of the GOP than anything else. [snip]

This wasn’t an opportunity for Fox moderators to play favorites, attack the GOP field, regurgitate Democrats’ talking points, reiterate Democrats’ stereotypes about the GOP, and try to pit one candidate specifically against another. It wasn’t an opportunity for Fox moderators to “shine,” to show how smart they are, or to one-up specific candidates. I don’t care one whit which GOP candidates the moderators preferred personally. All I wanted was tough questions, sticking to the big issues of the day, and a “fair and balanced” opportunity to hear from each candidate. What I got instead was snarky, unprofessional, unnecessarily ad hominem questions that seemed more designed to embarrass than inform. I could have gotten that from CNN. 

Et tu, Fox News?

Big Media is the enemy. The initials of the name don’t matter. The self aggrandizing “personalities” of Big Media are the problem. In 2008 the evil emanated from the reptilian Tim Russert. In 2015 it’s a viper with pronounced fake eyelashes. It’s nothing personal. It’s Big Media that every voter should despise. Republican, conservative, liberal, Democrats, Obama Dimocrats, Greens, moderates, all should be united in opposition to Big Media.

The Big Media personalities last night tried to slime Trump as well as the other candidates. The questions against Dr. Ben Carson were ugly and did not really illuminate what Carson thinks in any deep way. But the Carson personality came through, his intelligence came through, so he turned out OK.

Jeb Bush was a bit less fluffed than Obama was in 2008, but still fluffed with pillow soft questions. The softball questions only helped to disappear Bush into the background curtains. Kasich of Ohio had a favorable audience before him in Cleveland and that sorta helped him if Jeb Bush continues his slow fade of mumbles, stumbles and mush. Kasich helped himself only because his Florida ex-governor competition was such a failure. Walker disappeared too.

Ted Cruz came off very well. His answers were well crafted as we expected. His personality was not as insufferable as it usually is. Cruz did well but it was the Trump Show. Along with Huckabee, Cruz answered well, came off well, explained himself well. But both only survived. Well, maybe a bit helped because they survive.

Rubio? Rubio came off as slick and smiley. Next time he should keep away from the sun lamp. Rubio was too well packaged to come off well. Rubio’s well crafted plaster statue imitation suffered next to the mannerist art of Trump.

Loud-mouth Chris Christie? He suffered greatly. His exchange with Rand Paul was the best entertainment of the evening. Christie was great in words and demeanor. His flab was about to fly. But the Rand Paul ripost about the Obama hug seared. The Christie balloon hissed out in hot air from the Rand Paul arrow.

Rand Paul? Rand Paul was a terrorist bomb attack that turned suicide attack. His Obama hug attack on Christie was marvelous to hear. His attacks on Trump however failed spectacularly. Paul attacked Trump in a scene from the Godfather (‘you carry those politicians in your pockets like so much change’). Trump laughed at him.

Then Rand Paul tried to denounce Trump’s explanation of single payer health care (Trump thinks the Canadian model and the Scotland model works but does not think single payer would work in the U.S. – we know this from interviews at Morning Joe with Donald Trump not from the debate because the moderators were not interested in having issues explained.) Trump finished Paul off with a put down which will go down in the annals of debatedom along with “Senator, you’re no John Kennedy.”

I don’t think you heard me. You’re having a hard time tonight.” That truth is, that Paul missed what Trump said against single payer in the U.S. and that Rand Paul was indeed having a very difficult time as his attacks mostly failed and his bid for attention ended badly. This Trump triumph has now been turned into Trump insulting the hearing impaired (Rand Paul uses a hearing aid) by Big Media outlets desperate to attack Trump with anything.

Trump trumped at the first debate for the very reasons the GOP establishment believes he was destroyed. Trump’s greatest moment?

The third best Trump moment was when Trump schooled the sneering Chris Wallace on business.

The runner up Trump moment of Triumph when Trump lectured Megyn Kelly on the degrading effects of political correctness:

The best, #1 moment for Trump:

The best moment for Trump is when he stood alone, in an arena filled with Republicans/conservatives, next to the major Republican candidates for president, in front of the stars of Fox News, before the biggest Fox News audience ever, and said, ‘I’ll stand with America… P.U.M.A.!

August 6th, 2015

#GOPDebate – The Trump Show – Who’s Zooming Who???

Open thread: The classiest, most luxurious debate ever. Is this true? It certainly will be a real life Celebrity Apprentice. The question to be answered is whether Donald Trump is the apprentice or whether he will school the other candidates.

After tonight we’ll have some idea of who. We’ll also have an idea of what. Who will stand out? What issues will determine the course of the evening of the campaign?

After tonight we will know if Scott Walker is just a Wisconsin hot-house flower or if he can play nationally. What about Ted Cruz? What Trump spoke to Bill Clinton about? Why Jeb Bush is such a little backstabber who says nasty things behind Trump’s back? Will Bush dare insult Trump to his face?

Here we go. Snide comments and brilliant observations in the comments section.

August 6th, 2015

#GOPDebate Forum – The Losers Lose

Big Media decides who gets coverage, the type of coverage, which polls to laud, which polls to ignore then uses the coverage and the polls to decide who gets to be a legitimate candidate on the debate stage. It’s an outrage. Worse, the political parties and the political candidates not only put up with this, they encourage the Big Media and establishment corruption of our political process because they are all part of the corrupt establishment.

That corruption of the people’s right to choose their leaders is why we have the comedy of a big debate tonight at 9:00 p.m. ET on Fox News which just about everyone is going to watch – and the 5:00 p.m. ET one hour losers’ forum also on Fox News.

The 5:00 losers’ forum is for, um, losers. The alleged candidates in the losers forum are losers. They are losers and losers lose. We’re not being cruel. They are losers. Only a loser would agree to the indignity the losers will subject themselves to tonight.

The candidates at tonight’s loser forum should have united and demanded a type of debate structure which would not have filtered out any candidate based on polls or Big Media attention. They could have demanded two debates, with an even number of candidates in attendance, chosen by lottery. But they are losers so they laid down to be fu*ked.

The candidates at tonight’s loser forum should have appeared in press conferences together. The candidates at tonight’s loser forum should have formed a united front at every campaign event to denounce the pernicious influence of Big Media. The candidates at tonight’s loser forum should have pooled together resources to air ads, hand out leaflets, do whatever was necessary to get a fair and balanced debate structure. But they didn’t do any of this – because they are losers.

Can you imagine what would have happened if, as the GOP establishment once planned, Donald Trump was relegated to a lesser position on a losers’forum? The gates of Hell would have broken and the fires of Hell loosed upon the Earth. We know Donald Trump has a lot of advantages that tonight’s losers don’t have. But as demonstrated with Donald Trump’s response to Gawker’s release of his cell phone number, Donald Trump would not have greased himself up to be violated.

But losers lose and that is what we have tonight at 5:00. Let’s look at the losers, why they lose, and why they already lost.

First, Carly Fiorina. We wrote some nice things about Fiorina when she announced. But Carly Fiorina is a loser.

Why is Carly Fiorina a loser? Because Fiorina (some dub her FioRINO for her illegal immigration amnesty positions) forgot that she is in a Republican primary. Fiorina thought that if she attacked Hillary Clinton incessantly Republican voters would make the leap that Fiorina would be the best candidate against Hillary and that Fiorina could attack Hillary in ways that male candidates could not. But Hillary is not Fiorina’s opponent. A bunch of men are her obstacle. Result: the losers’ table for Carly.

Carly Fiorina also missed the bit about Donald Trump getting in the race. Outsider? Businessperson? Outspoken? Yeah, Carly Fiorina did not update her strategy once Trump got in. Result: Loser!

Why is Rick Perry a loser? Unlike Fiorina, Rick Perry did update his strategy once Trump got in. But instead of going with Trump, Perry chose to fight the tide. Result: Losers forum.

Rick Perry should have augmented Donald Trump when it came to illegal immigration. Perry could have “regretted” Trump’s choice of words while agreeing that illegal immigration has to be stopped. But instead Perry took the ferry to Palookaville. Perry called Trump a “cancer” at the same time he decried Trump’s tough language. That is at least a disconnect and double message which proved Perry is an unthinking loser. Result: Biggest Loser at the Losers’ table.

Yeah, we know Perry calculated that attacks on Trump would bolt him to national attention and by dint of higher poll numbers Perry would secure a seat at the adult table. Perry then calculated that once at the big debate table he would attack Trump and triumph. But that too is part of Perry’s problem. Perry “calculated.” Calculation is poison this election season. Result: Loser! – Biggest Loser!

Why is Lindsey Graham a loser? Compare and contrast the cell phone number public release as handled by Lindsey and Trump and you get the answer.

Lindsey Graham’s entire purpose this election season was to blast away at Rand Paul. Lindsey Graham was the GOP establishment shill who got in to attack the opponents of the GOP establishment. Once national security climbed as a big issue this election season Rand Paul’s candidacy was going the way of Ron Paul. So Lindsey shifted his attentions to the new big threat to the GOP establishment: Donald J. Trump.

Lindsey Graham attacked Trump then Trump stomped on him and Lindsey crumbled like a graham cracker. Result: Loser!

Why is Bobby Jindal a loser? Bobby Jindal deserves better than a place at the losers’ table because he has not really done anything wrong other than being himself. Jindal has never really recovered from his disastrous national appearance years ago. Jindal is a very good book smart guy but not very bright when it comes to how he comes off to viewers. We don’t want to beat up on Jindal because he is probably doing that to himself enough. But the result is the same: Loser!

Why is Rick Santorum a loser? Santorum is the one candidate we truly detest so we will censor ourselves. To be kind, Santorum is the very definition of a loser. Santorum lost his senate seat. He’s a loser. Santorum the loser of the senate seat, decided he wanted to lose higher office. So Santorum ran for president in 2012. He lost. So Santorum runs again in 2016 to bore us all yet again. Santorum will be at the losers’ forum because Santorum is a loser. The big winner? Sweater sales. Santorum wore a sweater at every campaign appearance in 2012 to make himself appear humble – which made us and many Americans hate sweaters. Those (Republicans/conservatives) that know Santorum know he is a sanctimonious nasty prick. Buy a sweater. Santorum sucks. Result: Loser!

George Pataki and Jim Gilmore? We’ve know Pataki and our dealings with him lead us to have great respect for him. Why Pataki is running for president in 2016 and why he attacks Trump is a mystery to us. Gilmore? Seems like a nice guy whose time has long passed. We don’t want to say anything bad about him because, well, he seems harmless and why waste energy over him? The result is the same: Losers!

The Losers’ Forum will last one hour. It will be an hour you will never get back. Use that hour wisely. Water your plants. Wash your dishes. Brush your hair. Polish your shoes. Beat your servants. Watch Youtubes of a drunk Joe Biden. Think up new insults for Trump to use at the big debate later tonight. Do something productive.

As with the big debate later tonight at 9:00, we’ll watch. Our comments section will post constructive comments as well as snide remarks. We’ll waste our 5:00 hour so you don’t have to.

August 5th, 2015

GOP Debate: Will Donald Duck? Or Will The Donald Trump?

Update: WaPo: Bill Clinton encouraged Trump to play a bigger role in the GOP in phone call shortly before campaign launch. The GOP establishment takes this call as proof positive that Trump is a Hillary “plant” and a Bill Clinton puppet. Believable? Trump? Puppet??? Plant???

To us the Bill and Donald phone call is more two prize-fighters sizing each other up and Bill snuggling up to an opponent (as Bill did with Paul Ryan in 2012). But the GOP establishment is in a tizzy and want this to be a big issue at tomorrow’s debate.

Trump of course can answer that it was Jeb Bush that gave Hillary a medal. Or Trump can cite that Hillary Clinton’s Mega-Donors Are Also Funding Jeb Bush. Whatever. It does not occur to the GOP establishment that Trump is leading the Republican polls right now and that Trump is not going to put himself out to help Hillary2016. Au Contraire. After Hillary attacked Trump several times Trump blasted her as only he can blast (with a Trumpet). It makes as much sense to say that the Bill/Donald call proves Trump is a Hillary “plant” as to say that Hillary is a Trump “plant.” But that’s what the GOP establishment and their running dogs are chasing these days.


Why is Donald Trump so successful and so necessary?

Consider: this entire week Big Media (in the form of Fox News) has chest-thumped the “juicy” questions to be unleashed at the debates. The acceptance that Big Media will play such an outsized role and “gotcha” the candidates is not denounced, not only accepted, but indeed taken as the way things should be. This is outrageous. The debates (D debates if ever, and R debates) should be about the candidates not how the Big Media moderators are so clever. Go to Hell Big Media.

Consider: the political establishment that has attacked Donald Trump without mercy (he’s a “cancer”, his voters “crazies”) now pretends it has good advice for The Donald: “duck,” “don’t attack,” “don’t makes waves,” “be ‘presidential’.” Go to Hell political establishment (which we define as “the political establishment of the country which includes both parties, Big Media, lobbyists, special interests, unions, the Chamber of Commerce, the regulatory bureaucratic state, and all those who encourage or feed upon this gargantuan power structure.”)

We have advice for Donald Trump too. Our advice is not only well intentioned, it is good advice, sound advice, advice will help Donald Trump.

First advice for Donald Trump: the medium is the message. Don’t you worry for one single moment about being “presidential.” The very fact that you will be on stage with governors and senators will send the message that you are “presidential.”

The phrase “the medium is the message” of course comes from Marshall McLuhan. The point is made fresh today by lefty Jeff Greenfield who like us sees the possibility of a President Trump as he recalls wrestler Jesse Ventura a.k.a. Governor Ventura:

That recognition was enough to put his poll numbers above 20 percent as the fall election began—and those poll numbers had two critical consequences. First, it gained him entry into the gubernatorial debates, which put him on an equal footing with his major party rivals. [snip]

Since voters had the chance to see Ventura as a viable candidate….

Yeah, the medium is the message. Don’t worry about appearing “presidential” because just being on that stage, in the center spot, will be the message. Mention your book with your policy prescriptions repeatedly during the debate and message sent.

Our second bit of advice for Donald Trump comes via William Shakespeare:

Beware Of entrance to a quarrel, but being in,
Bear’t that the opposed may beware of thee.

In other words, don’t look for a fight, but if you are attacked, savagely chew on the arterial blood of your enemies.

Donald Trump does not live his life from the precepts of Lord Polonius but for the inaugural debate of the 2016 cycle this is good advice. And we’ll add a corollary to this: don’t punch down, punch up.

What do we mean by “don’t punch down.” The Big Media “stars” will no doubt quote from Rick Perry, relegated to the kids forum earlier in the night, in order to bait Trump. Rick Perry will say something nasty about Trump earlier in the evening and Megyn Kelly will poke Trump with the Perry insult. In such an episode Trump should dismiss Perry airily with a line like “Rick Perry can’t remember the Alamo, let alone his own proposals.” But then turn the attack to the Big Media moderators who bait with inanities from second tier candidates.

Donald Trump should not lower himself to punch the second tier candidates. Trump should punch up. By that we mean Trump should hit Jeb Bush and Barack Obama. But avoid a focus on Hillary.

Why Bush and Barack but avoid Hillary? Trump is in a Republican primary so his main target should be Jeb Bush who right now is the only candidate that poses a challenge worthy of the name. Bush is a flaming target to be doused by Trump.

Third bit of advice for Donald Trump: Trump can and should attack Bush and turn the debate into the Trump versus Bush show. This brings the debate and keeps the debate into the political reality of the moment. What is that reality? The reality is that right now and likely into the rest of the year the GOP primary fight boils down to one simple calculation: Bush or Trump.

The Republican nominee will be either George Jeb Bush or Donald Trump. Things could change and we wisely repeat our warning not to make judgements until after the August 6 debate. But Trump will help himself, contrary to establishment opinion, by making this a clear cut race of Bush v. Trump.

A focus of attacks on Bush by Trump will effectively snuff out the few sparks the other candidates are trying to fan into a fire. A focus of attacks on Bush by Trump will clue the electorate that this primary fight is the political establishment class headed by Bush against the fed up masses of pitchfork revolutionaries out to sweep the political class into the pit fires of Hell.

A focus of attacks on Bush by Trump will be helped if The Donald attacks Barack Obama. Trump can indeed trump Bush by denouncing Bush support for Obama on ObamaTrade and Common Core.

Use the debate rules to your favor Donald Trump. The debate rules require that any time a candidate is attacked by name the candidate gets 15-30 seconds to reply. A Trump attack on Jeb will keep the focus on Bush v. Trump because Bush can respond to the attack. Trump should use any 15-30 seconds of response time he gets when any candidate attacks Trump to attack Bush, not the candidate that actually attacked Trump. Keep the focus on Bush v. Trump.

Mention Barack policies are Bush policies every chance available should be the goal of Donald Trump. Attack Bush via Barack and attack Barack as another Bush. Coin the name “Bush Obama” or “Barack Bush”.

BUT DON’T ATTACK HILLARY! Trump should take a swipe or two at Hillary because that will blunt the tools who claim ‘Trump is a Hillary plant.’ Trump will be entirely justified in doing so because Hillary foolishly attacked Trump about things that were none of her business.

Hillary should have kept her mouth shut about Donald Trump because it was in her interests to keep her mouth shut. Hillary should not have involved herself as her future opponents bloodied themselves intramurally. Trump versus the GOP political class should have entertained Hillary2016 and they should have kept their collective mouths shut. But stupidity reigns supreme in Brooklyn. Or is it that the Obama cult that infects Hillary headquarters does not care about her interests and therefore the attack on Trump followed? Recently, after we pointed out how stupid those attacks against Trump were, Hillary has kept herself out of the anti-Donald Trump battlefield. But if Trump goes after her, as he did in response to the Hillary initiated attacks, Trump will be entirely justified. But we advise against such a course.

Why do we think Trump should mostly avoid Hillary? First because Donald Trump is in a Republican primary and his main targets should be those who threaten his nomination the most (Bush and the Bush establishment).

Second reason for Trump to avoid anything but a side attack on Hillary is because it helps her, not him. Trump should keep the focus on Bush/Barack. But an attack on Hillary helps Hillary in her battle against the Green Mountain socialist Saint Bernard of Sanders.

A Trump attack on Hillary, a focus on Hillary, will be used by Hillary2016 in their battle against Saint Bernard and drunk Uncle Joe (who is Barack Obama’s knife in Hillary’s back). Hillary2016 will send emails out immediately that “Trump attacked Hillary” because “Trump fears Hillary not Bernie Sanders so vote for Hillary, not Bernie Sanders.” See what we mean?

Donald Trump is a real game changer unlike the phony Barack Obama. The political class, including the smart set of the vipers brood still do not think Trump has a chance to be the nominee, let alone president. Some of the snakes however are beginning to realize how wrong they have been about Trump and only now beginning to see what we saw way back in 2012 and especially this year when Trump announced he is running for president. The political establishment is at Trump stage three. “First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, and then you win.”

The political class (as defined by us) wants to destroy Donald Trump. Trump thus far has not ducked. Trump thus far has fought back valiantly and triumphantly. That’s why Donald Trump is so successful and so necessary.

August 3rd, 2015

Dead Canaries: The Coffee Party Returns, Joe Biden Is Drunk Again, #Hillary2016 Fails Again, Donald Trump Wins Again, And What The Hell Is Happening To This Website???

Update: Tables turned: Trump turns cell phone number exposed by Gawker into a campaign ad. That’s the genius, courage, and fighting ethos of Donald Trump in one quick hit. Recall: (1) Lindsey Graham attacks Trump; (2) Trump exposes Graham the hypocrite and gives out the Graham cell phone number; (3) Graham weakly tries for publicity with a comic video of Graham destroying his own cellphone thereby exposing himself as a doormat; (4) Leftist loons at Gawker publish Donald Trump’s cellphone number thinking they have the best of The Donald; (5) Donald Trump makes lemonade out of lemons by thanking Gawker on Twitter and turning his cellphone voicemail message into a campaign ad. Trumpnado ensues.

Trump fights and that’s why he wins.

Pre-debate homework assignment for Hillary2016: compare and contrast Donald Trump campaign strategy to Mitt Romney and John McCain campaign strategies.


What the Hell is happening to this website? We publish more articles in praise of Trump than we write about Hillary. When we write about Hillary it’s mostly to insult Hillary2016. Our comments section is a lucha libre mixed martial arts Thunderdome of fierce, smart opinion sometimes engaged in a mud fight between supporters of candidates other than Hillary – and we allow it! We owe our readers an explanation.

“Recovering Liberal” M. Joseph Sheppard has a clear view of what we are up to. Few others see what we are up to as “constructive” however. So what goes on?

In the 2008 election cycle we declared ourselves a “Big Pink aircraft carrier” launching attacks against Hillary Clinton opponents and wrote only positive articles about Hillary Clinton and Hillary 2008. Our criticisms of Hillary 2008 were couched in terms of what should be done and how problems could be responded to. When our hair was on fire over something particularly stupid (such as the hired boob “leadership” for the South Carolina primary and the clumsy communications shop overall) we relied on our top level friends within the campaign and in the high dollar donor community to communicate our concerns. The contacts we utilized are national household names in politics that everyone on this website would recognize. Our very top, top, top level contacts were as frustrated with Hillary 2008 as we were.

That strategy did not work. Our muted and positively voiced critiques were not paid attention to. So this election cycle we will not repeat our mistakes. This election cycle, we come with a sword.

As the most long lasting pro Hillary Clinton website we want Hillary Clinton to see the many dead canaries littering the coal mine. We allow the sometimes noxious comments in our comments section so that Hillary and Hillary2016 can see how even in bastions of support the walls in support of her campaign are crumbling.

We want Hillary Clinton and Hillary2016 to see that it is “time for a change” not time to “stay the course” with Barack Obama‘s treacherous brand of boobery.

With every week, with every passing day Hillary continues to tie herself ever closer to Barack Obama and his destructive policies. We presume this is to get Obama’s political support and to woo the Obama cult. There really is only one word to describe such a mentality, such an assessment of character, such a strategy: STUPID!

Barack Obama will stab Hillary in the back. The only question is when and how. The first knife might be labeled “Joe”. Hillary will get no sympathy from us; Hillary2016 will get neither succor nor support from us if/when Joe Biden at the behest of Barack Obama decides to run for president against Hillary. NONE. If Joe Biden (later Elizabeth Warren or Michelle Obama) runs against Hillary in 2016 Hillary will be getting exactly what she deserves for being so utterly STUPID as to trust Obama.

Will drunk Jue Biden run?:

Biden is ‘Likely’ 
to run

Joe Biden is leaning strongly toward a 2016 presidential bid, a source close to the vice president tells the Herald — news that is spurring excitement among top Democrats in Massachusetts and early voting states who are worried about front-runner Hillary Clinton’s hefty political baggage and sagging poll numbers.

An adviser close to Biden, who is familiar with the vice president’s exploration process, told the Herald that Biden will “more likely than not” jump into the 2016 race. [snip]

Advisers to Biden have reportedly begun actively reaching out to potential supporters and donors, an effort that gained momentum after the death of Biden’s son, former Delaware Attorney General Beau Biden, in May. The younger Biden, as well as his brother, Hunter Biden, reportedly had urged their father to jump into the 2016 presidential race.

The conversations between Biden aides and potential supporters reportedly grew out of the condolences and expressions of support to Biden after Beau’s death from brain cancer.

Biden already is the beneficiary of a draft movement, and wouldn’t have to start his campaign from scratch.

“We have staff on the ground in Iowa and New Hampshire, and we are bringing more people on in South Carolina,” said Will Pierce of “Draft Biden 2016,” who said he expects Biden to decide by September.

Joe Biden is the one channeling his dead son to every Big Media outlet that will listen. According to the Big Media outlets whoring for Joe Biden the dead son wanted Joe Biden to run for president in 2016. The living cocaine addict son of Joe Biden also wants Joe to run. Everyone should understand that it is Joe Biden himself pimping himself to Big Media. Of course, when you have a stable with a willing whore, more pimps will pop up:

Close aide to VP’s late son joins Joe Biden 2016 super PAC

WASHINGTON (AP) — A top political aide to Vice President Joe Biden’s late son joined the super PAC working to recruit the elder Biden to run for president on Sunday, lending the group newfound credibility in the midst of fresh signs the vice president’s aides are taking a close look at a 2016 campaign.

Josh Alcorn, a longtime Democratic operative, had been former Delaware Attorney General Beau Biden’s top political and fundraising adviser before he died of brain cancer in May. A known commodity in the Biden world, Alcorn raised money for Joe Biden’s 2008 presidential campaign, and also served in the top fundraising role for Senate Democratic leader Harry Reid’s vast political operation.

Will Pierce, who runs the Draft Biden super PAC, said he was thrilled about Alcorn’s move because Joe Biden’s supporters throughout the U.S. “know how close he was to Beau and his family.”

“Josh joining the Draft Biden effort only increases the serious nature of what to date has been an enormously successful effort,” Pierce said late Sunday.

Alcorn’s decision to join the group marks the first clear sign that the close cadre of advisers surrounding the vice president may be taking the fledgling super PAC seriously.

Joe Biden is clearly drunk. The question is on what? Is is moonshine? Is it Hopium? Whatever it is, it is not coffee.

The coffee belongs to another.

Remember the Tea Party? At the height of the Tea Party movement as they scored victory after victory over the GOP establishment certain loons from the left tried to start something called the “Coffee Party” as a response from the left. The “Coffee Party” was a complete fake. Soon after came the Occupy Wall Street fakes. Occupy Wall Street collapsed too. But now, it appears that the fake “Coffee Party” might be resurrected because a caffeine pusher has come to the fore:

Howard Schultz, the chairman and CEO of Starbucks, is being urged to challenge Hillary Clinton for the Democratic presidential nomination.

Schultz, 62, is getting encouragement from supporters because they believe “the time is right for someone who’s not a political lifer,” New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd said on Saturday. “It may be a tempting proposition.” [snip]

“He has strong opinions, and even position papers, about what he calls the fraying American dream,” writes Dowd, who has long criticized Clinton and former President Bill Clinton.

She referenced the book Schultz co-wrote last year, “For Love of Country: What Our Veterans Can Teach Us About Citizenship, Heroism, and Sacrifice.”

“While he was promoting his book on veterans last year, he honed a message about making government work again and finding ‘authentic, truthful leadership,’” Dowd said.

This is a real neck twister. It was not so long ago, say yesterday, that the left loons denounced Donald Trump as not qualified to be president because he is a political outsider. Now the loony left sells a caffeine cowboy as the savior of the nation? Sorry, we’re not drinking that slop.

We’ll stick with Donald Trump if an outsider is needed.

Donald Trump is doing pretty much everything we have ever advised Hillary to do. In 2008 and now we advised Hillary to take on Big Media. But even as Hillary was under attack by Big Media personalities from certain networks (MSNBC, CNN, NBC) Hillary continued to attend events hosted by these Big Media trolls. Donald Trump? Donald Trump punished the Des Moines Register for their nasty anti-Trump diatribes by banning the Register reporter from a major campaign event. Today Donald Trump refused to attend a Big Media forum because he knows the newspaper host will never endorse him. Will Hillary ever learn from Donald Trump and slap Big Media?

Will Hillary ever learn from Donald Trump? Donald Trump was attacked by the RNC. Trump immediately threatened to run a third party presidential run. The RNC cowered in fear.

We advised Hillary to consider a third party run herself. Our rationale is that the DNC needs Hillary but Hillary does not need the DNC. Did Hillary listen? Was Hillary sharp enough to understand that a threat of this sort from her is more effective than a lot of sweet talk. No. Hillary has not learned a thing.

In 2008 the DNC attacked Hillary repeatedly. Howard Dean pretended not to see nor hear the sexism and misogyny directed against Hillary by Obama and the Obama cult. The DNC trashed Hillary. The party leadership trashed Hillary. Reid, Pelosi, Kennedy, Clyburn, Kerry, McCaskill, all thrashed Hillary. Has Hillary learned a single thing? No. We won’t pretend otherwise. Hillary has not learned a single solitary thing.

AsIn 2008 Marie Cocco wrote:

I will not miss the deafening, depressing silence of Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean or other leading Democrats, who to my knowledge (with the exception of Sen. Barbara Mikulski of Maryland) haven’t publicly uttered a word of outrage at the unrelenting, sex-based hate that has been hurled at a former first lady and two-term senator from New York. Among those holding their tongues are hundreds of Democrats for whom Clinton has campaigned and raised millions of dollars. Don Imus endured more public ire from the political class when he insulted the Rutgers University women’s basketball team.

Would the silence prevail if Obama’s likeness were put on a tap-dancing doll that was sold at airports? Would the media figures who dole out precious face time to these politicians be such pals if they’d compared Obama with a character in a blaxploitation film? And how would crude references to Obama’s sex organs play?

Has Hillary learned one G_d-damned thing? No. Not one G_d damned thing.

We hope Hillary will at some point wake up and learn from Donald Trump. But if she doesn’t – she’ll get what she deserves and we will not weep. We will cheer Donald Trump even when we disagree with Donald Trump because Donald Trump leads the fight against the oppressors of the American people – the political class.

Donald Trump, a few days before the important first debate of this season, is ahead in the polls. Trump trumps:

Donald Trump has a more than 2-to-1 lead over the next closest contender in the race for the Republican presidential nomination, according to a poll released Monday by Monmouth University.

Trump takes 26 percent support, followed by Jeb Bush at 12 percent.

Trump’s support has doubled in the poll since mid-July, when he had at 13 percent support and trailing Bush, who was in the lead at 15 percent.

It’s the latest survey to show the businessman and reality TV star pulling away from the pack of Republican presidential candidates nationally.

Trump now holds a 7.5 percentage point lead over his next closest competitor in the field, according to the RealClearPolitics average of polls. That lead will increase once the Monmouth survey is factored in.

The Monmouth poll found Trump pulling support from all factions of the party.

Trump has a 20-point lead over Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker among Tea Party supporters, and leads him by 11 points among those who identify as “very conservative.” Trump has an 8 point lead over Bush among those who identify as “somewhat conservative,” and also leads Bush by 8 points among those who describe themselves as moderates.

Trump leads in every age category, and is the top choice of men and women in the survey.

His favorability rating has improved dramatically with 52 percent saying they have a positive view of Trump, against 35 percent who view him negatively.

Donald Trump can win. At this point, Donald Trump deserves to win.

With the release of his book on Thursday and the possibility that he will do well at Thursday’s debate – Donald Trump is prepared to soar like an eagle. Meanwhile, the dead canaries litter the Hillary2016 mine floor like daisies in a field. Hillary Clinton? She’s in the dark – unaware of the peril until she lies down beside the yellow feathers of beautiful birds that can no longer take flight.