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The Funnies

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February 17, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Hillary Clinton Wants To Accomplish On Her Trip Overseas

10 Exchange U.S. dollars for currency that's worth something

9 Win respect defeating Japan's top-ranked sumo wrestler

8 Shift world's perception of America from "hated" to "extremely disliked"

7 Personally thank all of her illegal campaign donors

6 Three words: stylish Indonesian pantsuits

5 Visit burial site of revered Chinese military leader, General Tso

4 Get drunk with that Japanese finance minister guy

3 Convince China to switch from lead-tainted products to mercury-tainted products

2 Catch Chinese screening of Benjamin Button entitled "The Strange Adventures of Freaky Grandpa Baby"

1 Pick up carton of duty-free smokes for Obama

February 16, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Abraham lincoln Would Say If He Were Alive Today

10 "Sup?"

9 "I see Madonna's still a slut"

8 "Who's that handsome sumbitch on the five?"

7 "Is that free Grand Slam deal still going on at Denny's?"

6 "I just changed my Facebook status update to, Tthe 'ol rail splitter is chillaxing'"

5 "How do I get on 'Dancing with the Stars'?"

4 "Okay, Obama, you're from Illinois, too. We get it!"

3 "Hey Phelps, don't Bogart the weed!"

2 "What's the deal with Joaquin Phoenix?"

1 "A Broadway play? Uhhh, no thanks. I'm good."

January 28, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard at the Meeting Between Barack Obama and the Republicans

10 "I miss the Clinton administration when we'd meet at Hooters"

9 "Can we wrap this up? I've got tickets to the 4:30 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop"

8 "Smoke break!"

7 "You fellas really need to take it easy on the Old Spice"

6 "Mr. President: don't misunderestimate the Republicans"

5 "Another smoke break!"

4 "What was the deal with Aretha Franklin's hat?"

3 "About that tax the rich stuff -- you were joking, right?"

2 "Sir, it's refreshing to have a Chief Executive who speaks in complete sentences"

1 "Senator Craig's offering his stimulus package in the men's room"

January 27, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Ways Rod Blagojevich Can Improve His Image

10 Star in new television series, "America's Funniest Haircuts"

9 Quit politics and become a fat, lovable mall cop

8 Start pronouncing last name with Jerry Lewis-like "BLAGOOOYYYJEVICH"

7 Offer a senate seat with no money down, zero percent interest

6 Team up with John Malkovich and Erin Brockovich for hot Malkovich-Brockovich-Blagojevich sex tape

5 Change his name to Barod Obamavich

4 Safely land an Airbus on the Hudson River

3 I don't know...how about showing up for his impeachment trial?

2 Wear sexy dresses, high heels and say, "You Betcha!"

1 Uhhh...resign?

January 16, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Signs Obama's Getting Nervious

10 New slogan: "Yes we can... or maybe not, it's hard to say"

9 In moment of confusion, requested a $300 billion bailout from the bailout industry

8 He's up to not smoking three packs a day

7 Friends say he's looking frail, shaky and...no, that's McCain

6 He's so stressed, doctors say he's developing a Sanjay in his Gupta

5 Been walking around muttering, "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"

4 Offered Governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, $100,000 to buy his old Senate seat back

3 Standing on White House roof screaming, "Save us, Superman!"

2 Sweating like Bill Clinton when Hillary comes home early

1 He demanded a recount

January 8, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Barack Obama Plans To Fix The Economy

10 Encourage tourists to throw spare change in the Grand Canyon

9 End our dependence on foreign owls

8 Sell New Mexico to Mexico

7 Put a little of that bailout money on the Ravens plus 3 at Tennessee. Come on! It's a mortal lock!

6 Rent out the moon for weddings and Bar Mitzvahs

5 Lotto our way out of this son-of-a-bitch

4 Appear on "Deal or No Deal" and hope to choose the right briefcase

3 Bail out the adult film industry -- not sure how it helps, but it can't hurt

2 Release O.J. from prison, have him steal America's money from China

1 Stop talkin' and start Obama-natin'!

January 7, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard At The Presidents' Lunch

10 "Sorry, you're not on the list, Mr. Gore"

9 "If Hillary calls, I've been here since Monday"

8 "Laura! More Mountain Dew!"

7 "You guys wanna see, 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop'?"

6 "Call the nurse -- George swallowed a napkin ring!"

5 "Hey Barack, wanna go with us to Cabo in March? Oh that's right, you have to work!"

4 "Kissey kissey"

3 "Obama? I think he's downstairs smoking a butt"

2 "Did you ever see a monkey sneezing?"

1 "I hope Clinton's unbuckling his belt because he's full"

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Barack Obama Is The Enemy Of Health Care Reform, Part I

Wake up Democrats! Obama is and always was the enemy of health care reform. That is a hard lesson for real Democrats to accept but it has always been true.

Not only did Obama prove himself the enemy of universal health care and health care reform during the primary elections, now that [...]

Tax Cheat Tax Hike Treachery And The Real Cash For Clunkers

To give Barack Obama, his crony Dimocrats, and enabling Republicans more money, whether in taxes or contributions, is the real Cash For Clunkers program.

Americans are beginning to fight back against their clunker representatives. In 2010 Americans will dump the clunkers in the axelgreased junkyards of American history.

* * [...]

Obama Holds Press Conference At Waterloo

Hillary supporters who fought for Hillary as the best vehicle to get universal health care now oppose health care – who’da thunk it? How can it be explained? What’s going on here? How can this be?

Think of it this way: A hungry person gets two invitations for dinner. The first [...]

Governor Sarah Palin Makes Her Moves – Is Hillary Clinton Next?

Independence Day is officially tomorrow but Sarah Palin decided to celebrate one day early.

Is Hillary Clinton next?

* * * * *

Hillary Clinton

We did not think Hillary Clinton should have anything to do with Obama and should remain a U.S. Senator. We knew however that Hillary had all the facts and deserved respect. [...]

Mainline Treachery

Women, like Gay-Americans and Jewish-Americans have been betrayed by their “leaders” and by their supposed mainline organizations.

The essential fact that must be remembered is that the mainline Women groups, the mainline Gay groups, and to a much lesser extent some mainline Jewish groups (Jewish Americans are betrayed more often by fake “leaders” like [...]

More Enormous Unprecedented Corruption

As we warned, the Obama Chicago Crimelords have moved to Washington and they seek to block any and all investigations and any and all transparency.

The corruption and hiding originates in the Oval Office.

The Obama administration is fighting to block access to names of visitors to the White House, taking up the [...]

Treachery Tales, Part II

When they wanted votes, the Obama Dimocrat Party waved the red flag of abortion and Supreme Court appointments in order to corral women they had treated with contempt in a campaign of misogyny and sexism. Now that it matters however, Barack Obama did not even bother to find out Sonia Sotomayor’s views on abortion:

Some [...]

The Missing Link

The elaborate hype announcement of the day (barring some Supreme Court news) is the unveiling of a 47 million year old fossil dubbed “the missing link“.

We thought we would provide our own missing links too.

The somewhat simian Blagojevich is our nominee for political missing link today. Chicago Magazine published a long story which has [...]

Grand Unified Theory: The Obama Scams And The Dimocrat Scams Exposed (And Why You Can Ignore The Side Stories Like – Nancy Pelosi, Notre Dame, Torture, Gay Rights, The CIA, Wall Street, GM, Chrysler, Guantanamo, Cheney, Military Tribunals, FISA, Renditions, Abortion Rights, Universal Health Care, Swine Flu, Immigration, The Environment, Foreign Policy, The Economy, Inflation, Deflation, Unemployment, TARP, Credit Cards, Israel, Russia, China, Pakistan, Iraq, Afghanistan, Debt, Deficits, and The Supreme Court)

Ever wonder who believes in, then actually buys, that penis extension product advertised on TV which must have many customers because the commercial is always on? Ever wonder who believes, then actually responds and sends money, to the emails which typically begin “Dearest” and is from someone allegedly in Africa who just got a [...]

Silence And The Scams, Part II

Laughter is the sound that breaks the silence. Those poor dumb Dims.

In A Specter Is Haunting Dems the dullard Dims who enjoyed the political corruption “fix” during the 2008 Democratic primaries are now complaining because the fix this time is against them. Those poor dumb Dims:

Upstart progressive populists, the very people that turned [...]