Shock Report: Turn Your TV Off Day!!!! – Warn Climate Change Hot Gas Experts

Update: General George Armstrong Custer died with his boots on. With our hazmat outfits on we timorously turned on the TV to witness a scalping worthy of the Little Big Horn. We saw the latest in booberific boobery and a massive Retreat: Obama interested in Russian diplomatic track as Reid puts Senate vote on hold. Yup, Barack Obama was on TV again bringing laughter to one and all.

Putin wins, Assad wins, the rebels lose, the Saudis lose, but the biggest loser is the incompetent and badly botoxed John Kerry topped only by King of Boobs Barack Obama. Hillary Clinton knew the latest Russian diplomatic ploy was a trap that could only be considered if compliance was IMMEDIATE, with NO DELAY. Now no one knows what new depths of boobery Obama will plumb.

Harry Reid does not have the votes in the Senate so he has postponed the vote that was supposed to follow immediately after Obama’s bombast conflating Syria with September 11. The House will stomp on Obama too in their vote. So why exactly is Barack Obama going on the TV picturebox tomorrow night to exhort a war vote when there is no immediate war vote scheduled and the war vote will lose anyway? Maybe Obama wants to run from the Syria war loss to losses on immigration reform, the debt ceiling, ObamaCare, the budget?


Massive gaseous explosions are expected throughout the day today warn climate change hot gas experts. Around and after 6:30 p.m. tonight the hot gas explosions will be particularly potent and pungent.

Tomorrow night starting at around 8:00 pm. ET, warn these hot gas climate change experts, another even greater aftershock expulsion of methane aroma hot gases are expected to erupt. The smelly eruptions of hot gas will continue into Wednesday, September 11. The hot gas climate change experts warn the solution is to unplug your TV sets and immobilize any mobile device that is capable of television transmission.

Climate change hot gas seriously expert experts explain that their algorithms and calculations are so complex they are near impossible to explain – but they demand the public pay attention to these warnings. What is undeniable and sure to happen is that those with TV sets (radios too for reasons too scientific and whizzy to explain to non-scientist dolts) turned on will experience great pain and symptoms of total distress.

Climate change hot gas experts warn that those defiant viewers with TV sets turned on today around 6:30 p.m. ET, and tomorrow night at what is categorized by advertising agencies and public opinion experts as “prime time” will experience various painful consequences. Ears will experience distress equivalent to having a sharp pencil plunged into the ear canal. A burn equivalent to tossed acid will scorch the eyes.

Climate change hot gas experts further admonish that exposing eyes and ears on both days to TV transmissions so affected by the complicated hot gas entwined eruptions will exponentially increase the damage suffered. No one will be spared the coming disaster. Do not bungle by thinking yourself immune to the coming catastrophe caution these brilliant climate change hot gas experts.

Climate change is not to be joked about. Climate change experts are even of a mind that the culprit for the current Middle East disasters are due to global warming.

Our dear readers need not be alarmed. We here at Big Pink headquarters are fully protected in our pink hazmat chemical warfare suits and hats (adorned with lovely flowers). We are fully prepared with pink colored visual assistance eye wear recycled from our days of eclipse watching. As to our ears, the hearing protection devices purchased pre-concert at a Selena Gomez “musical” extravaganza, are already in place and no doubt will keep our hearing secure for years to come. With these extraordinary preparations in place – we will watch the programs on TV to make sure nothing important or interesting is missed by you our dear readers.

To repeat: climate change hot gas experts warn you to turn your TV sets off for the next 24 hours starting this evening and into late tomorrow night. Failure to do so will lead to sensory failure, potential madness, and even death. You have been warned.