Please take this warning seriously, we beseech you. Whatever you do this Labor Day end-of-Summer weekend: Do Not Go On Vacation! Repeat: Do Not Go On Vacation!
Hurricane Earl is on patrol on the east coast and there are myriad potential disasters on the nation’s highways and by-ways. But ignore all that. Earl is a blowhard and disasters strike Americans with regularity now that we are in the golden age of Mess-iah.
The warning we issue today is much more serious than all that weather excitement on TV. The bottom line is that vacations are a grand deception, a flim-flammery of epic degree and proportions which we will expose. Be warned.
Vacations are advertised as a recreational way to unwind and de-stress from work day pressures. The ‘unwind and de-stress’ vacation propaganda, we are assured, leads to greater productivity when we return to work. After vacations we are supposed to be better able to handle pressure and make better decisions at the workplace. But this is all a lie. A big lie. Vacations are a conspiracy.
The best example of the perniciousness of vacations is Barack Obama. Having vacationed diligently and consistently (Obama plans his next vacation when he’s on his latest vacation) Barack Obama is about to take another vacation. Vacation leads to the need for another vacation. Tonight as he vacations in Camp David Barack Obama and lantern jawed Michelle will scowl themselves through brochures of other vacation sites at taxpayer expense.
Vacations are a trap. Do not vacation. You will only want another vacation. That is the lesson from the Obama way.
Update I: Travel agents and tourist bureaus are angry with our Emergency Warning. They inform us that Obama desperately requires repeated infusions of vacations. After all, he did have to approve all those blueprints and plans (as well as the schedule) for the expensive White House redecoration.
Update II: Resort owners are angry with our Emergency Warning. They point out that Barack Obama desperately requires repeated infusions of vacations. They note that Obama gave that spirited and energy consuming national address this past week (either on Iraq or the economy) which enervated him (especially as ungrateful Americans did not appreciate the effort and flung dead cats over the White House fence). ‘Blame the voters, not the Boob.”
“Flanked by members of his economic team – including outgoing Council of Economic Advisers Dr. Christina Romer, whose replacement has yet to be named – President Obama chose to look at the silver lining in the economic clouds of today’s jobs report – not even mentioning that August saw a net job loss of 54,000 jobs.[snip]
Asked to what degree he regrets his administration’s decision to call this Recovery Summer, the president stammered then said, “I don’t regret the notion that we are moving forward, but because of the steps that we’ve taken. And I’m going to have a press conference next week, where, after you guys are able to hear where we’re at, we’ll be able to answer some specific questions.”
It was a morning effort worthy of a vacation to plan another vacation and a much needed “recovery vacation” for such a productive and impressive “recovery summer”.
The resort owners also declared that after that end of Ramadan press conference next Friday, September 10, Barack Obama will surely need another vacation. Perhaps, that long delayed Indonesia vacation to relive his preteen years will soon be announced and taxpayers (employed or not) will joyously cough up the cash for that sure to be hailed as “unprecedented” outreach extravaganza (after all there is so much for taxpayers to be thankful for in this golden age of Mess-iah).
Update III: Brothel owners are furious and have let us know it. “A man needs regular infusions of vacations” they said.
Update IV: Howard Stern ignored the vacation warning but after sending us repeated “Howard Stern, Howard Stern, Howard Stern rules” emails Howard made a lackluster defense of Mess-iah:
“The shock jock weighed in on President Barack Obama’s fortunes — or misfortunes — on his Wednesday radio program, saying that he thinks a second term for Obama is unlikely, according to a rough summary provided by MarksFriggin.com, which summarizes every Stern show on Sirius-XM Radio.
He said [Obama] can’t win with anyone. Howard said the guy came into office with two wars going on and major economic issues. [Stern] said you can’t just end a war immediately.”[snip]
Stern’s sidekick, Robin Quivers, chimed in as well, saying that Obama is a victim of the kind of hype brought about by his “change” campaign. “She said it was a crazy thing to buy into in the first place. She said that people don’t want to make things better and deal with stuff. She said they just want it to change overnight. That just doesn’t happen,” the site noted. [snip]
(Stern even joked at one point that Tom Cruise has a better chance of getting things done than Obama.)”
Update V: Big Labor bosses threatened to kick our ass if we don’t let up on Obama and the “stimulus” of vacations.
They noted that they take plenty of vacations and their members love paying for those vacations. In addition we were told that we did not know what we were talking about. “How” they asked “can Obama not take a vacation when he sees ordinary citizens putting up their hard earned cash to oppose Obama and seek to replace him with someone who is experienced and willing to fight.”
“She has more experience working in and with the White House than most living presidents,” the text of the ad reads. “She is one of the most admired women in our nation’s history. Let’s make sure the president we should have elected in 2008 will be on the ballot in 2012.”
The conclusion of the ad comes with a slogan: “Hillary 2012: Hillary Clinton for President. Start now. Where there’s a Hill there’s a way.”
Update VI: Republicans fumed at our anti-Vacation warning. “The nation is safer when Obama is away” they noted. “How dare you issue a warning which threatens the well-being of the nation? they spewed.
With Republicans airing ads of Obama as Moby Dick and Obama Dimocrats as Ahab tied to the Leviathan of the deep, perhaps our warning is overwrought. Perhaps Obama does need to go away for as long as possible. It must be difficult going from “to know me is to love me” to “He is a walking radioactive disaster.”
Update VII: Emergency Warning rescinded. But we still say the Barack Obama presidency must be terminated – the sooner the better. Give Obama a permanent vacation and send Lady of Spain Michelle on a sleeveless tour at her own expense.
Happy Labor Day weekend everybody!