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The Funnies

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February 17, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Hillary Clinton Wants To Accomplish On Her Trip Overseas

10 Exchange U.S. dollars for currency that's worth something

9 Win respect defeating Japan's top-ranked sumo wrestler

8 Shift world's perception of America from "hated" to "extremely disliked"

7 Personally thank all of her illegal campaign donors

6 Three words: stylish Indonesian pantsuits

5 Visit burial site of revered Chinese military leader, General Tso

4 Get drunk with that Japanese finance minister guy

3 Convince China to switch from lead-tainted products to mercury-tainted products

2 Catch Chinese screening of Benjamin Button entitled "The Strange Adventures of Freaky Grandpa Baby"

1 Pick up carton of duty-free smokes for Obama

February 16, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Abraham lincoln Would Say If He Were Alive Today

10 "Sup?"

9 "I see Madonna's still a slut"

8 "Who's that handsome sumbitch on the five?"

7 "Is that free Grand Slam deal still going on at Denny's?"

6 "I just changed my Facebook status update to, Tthe 'ol rail splitter is chillaxing'"

5 "How do I get on 'Dancing with the Stars'?"

4 "Okay, Obama, you're from Illinois, too. We get it!"

3 "Hey Phelps, don't Bogart the weed!"

2 "What's the deal with Joaquin Phoenix?"

1 "A Broadway play? Uhhh, no thanks. I'm good."

January 28, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard at the Meeting Between Barack Obama and the Republicans

10 "I miss the Clinton administration when we'd meet at Hooters"

9 "Can we wrap this up? I've got tickets to the 4:30 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop"

8 "Smoke break!"

7 "You fellas really need to take it easy on the Old Spice"

6 "Mr. President: don't misunderestimate the Republicans"

5 "Another smoke break!"

4 "What was the deal with Aretha Franklin's hat?"

3 "About that tax the rich stuff -- you were joking, right?"

2 "Sir, it's refreshing to have a Chief Executive who speaks in complete sentences"

1 "Senator Craig's offering his stimulus package in the men's room"

January 27, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Ways Rod Blagojevich Can Improve His Image

10 Star in new television series, "America's Funniest Haircuts"

9 Quit politics and become a fat, lovable mall cop

8 Start pronouncing last name with Jerry Lewis-like "BLAGOOOYYYJEVICH"

7 Offer a senate seat with no money down, zero percent interest

6 Team up with John Malkovich and Erin Brockovich for hot Malkovich-Brockovich-Blagojevich sex tape

5 Change his name to Barod Obamavich

4 Safely land an Airbus on the Hudson River

3 I don't know...how about showing up for his impeachment trial?

2 Wear sexy dresses, high heels and say, "You Betcha!"

1 Uhhh...resign?

January 16, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Signs Obama's Getting Nervious

10 New slogan: "Yes we can... or maybe not, it's hard to say"

9 In moment of confusion, requested a $300 billion bailout from the bailout industry

8 He's up to not smoking three packs a day

7 Friends say he's looking frail, shaky and...no, that's McCain

6 He's so stressed, doctors say he's developing a Sanjay in his Gupta

5 Been walking around muttering, "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"

4 Offered Governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, $100,000 to buy his old Senate seat back

3 Standing on White House roof screaming, "Save us, Superman!"

2 Sweating like Bill Clinton when Hillary comes home early

1 He demanded a recount

January 8, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Barack Obama Plans To Fix The Economy

10 Encourage tourists to throw spare change in the Grand Canyon

9 End our dependence on foreign owls

8 Sell New Mexico to Mexico

7 Put a little of that bailout money on the Ravens plus 3 at Tennessee. Come on! It's a mortal lock!

6 Rent out the moon for weddings and Bar Mitzvahs

5 Lotto our way out of this son-of-a-bitch

4 Appear on "Deal or No Deal" and hope to choose the right briefcase

3 Bail out the adult film industry -- not sure how it helps, but it can't hurt

2 Release O.J. from prison, have him steal America's money from China

1 Stop talkin' and start Obama-natin'!

January 7, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard At The Presidents' Lunch

10 "Sorry, you're not on the list, Mr. Gore"

9 "If Hillary calls, I've been here since Monday"

8 "Laura! More Mountain Dew!"

7 "You guys wanna see, 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop'?"

6 "Call the nurse -- George swallowed a napkin ring!"

5 "Hey Barack, wanna go with us to Cabo in March? Oh that's right, you have to work!"

4 "Kissey kissey"

3 "Obama? I think he's downstairs smoking a butt"

2 "Did you ever see a monkey sneezing?"

1 "I hope Clinton's unbuckling his belt because he's full"

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Hillary Clinton And Sarah Palin And The Democratic Civil War, Part I

Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin have their fates entwined.

Many true blue Democrats are despondent over the “marginalization” of Hillary Clinton while many Republicans are despondent over the disasters of Sarah Palin. But the death announcements for Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin are premature.

What is neither premature nor uninteresting is tracking the paths chosen by [...]

Obama’s Bluff

We have not written much lately on the news regarding health care because there is really not much of substance to write about.

There is some to and fro from Senate committees and House committees on this and that but so far no “plan”, as we have understood the word prior to the debut [...]

Pantsuit-less Palin Provokes PINO Panic, Part II

The PINOs (Progressives In Name Only) are in a Palin Panic.

The PINOs are so desperate to bring down popular Palin they are even denouncing sexism and misogyny. The Hillary hater extraordinaire at the New York Times, Frank Rich, is so hate-filled against popular Palin that Rich even defended the object of his extraordinary hatred [...]

More Obama Failures Defended By The Hopium Addled

We get get a lot of questions which revolve around “when will Americans wake up to flim-flam Obama?”

We also get a lot of communications from the Hopium addled purporting to defend Obama. The defenses revolve around “George W. Bush did not damage America in the first 12 months and likewise you have not seen [...]

The Barack Obama Double Murders Mystery

We planned to publish PINOs Palin Panic Part II today but it is a Friday and we are amused and distracted by silly events and memories of Bill.

Michael Tomasky, a writer we used to respect (we’ll have more on him soon) writes today about the DrudgeReport picture of Obama.

There’s a bit of hubbub over whether [...]

Pantsuit-less Palin Provokes PINO Panic, Part I

Pantsuit-less Palin provokes panic amongst the PINOs. These Progressives In Name Only are busy stirring sexism and misogyny even as they pretend to be feminists and against sexism and misogyny.

One Left-Talking woman defense lawyer with a history of unexamined sexism and most disgusting misogyny has even pulled herself away from her fixation [...]

The Obama Disasters Increase

Imagine the disordered clanging today in what passes for Barack Obama’s mind:

(1) Michael Jackson’s circus death reminds Obama that even celebrities die;

(2) Governor Sarah Palin, mocked and derided for a news conference on the Friday before the July 4th holiday, continues to dominate the news and commentary and recalls the Hollywood adage that all publicity [...]

“Obama: Deceiver, Cheat, Swindler, Liar, Fraudster, Con-artist”

Barack Obama is once again flying off on a costly publicity stunt. Instead of dealing with the economy as the sole and necessary priority, Obama is avoiding the necessary work in order to travel to Russia.

This weekend Joe Biden admitted Obama “misread” the economy.

“The truth is, we and everyone else misread the economy,” Biden [...]

Governor Sarah Palin Makes Her Moves – Is Hillary Clinton Next?

Independence Day is officially tomorrow but Sarah Palin decided to celebrate one day early.

Is Hillary Clinton next?

* * * * *

Hillary Clinton

We did not think Hillary Clinton should have anything to do with Obama and should remain a U.S. Senator. We knew however that Hillary had all the facts and deserved respect. [...]

Tomorrow’s Anti-Obama Ads Today

The future anti-Obama advertisements are already written. The ads will begin to air as soon as the 2010 election cycle begins in earnest. The ads will be deadly.

For those wishing to actually see what anti-Obama ads will look and sound like we already have samples. The samples are advertisements already [...]