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The Funnies

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February 17, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Hillary Clinton Wants To Accomplish On Her Trip Overseas

10 Exchange U.S. dollars for currency that's worth something

9 Win respect defeating Japan's top-ranked sumo wrestler

8 Shift world's perception of America from "hated" to "extremely disliked"

7 Personally thank all of her illegal campaign donors

6 Three words: stylish Indonesian pantsuits

5 Visit burial site of revered Chinese military leader, General Tso

4 Get drunk with that Japanese finance minister guy

3 Convince China to switch from lead-tainted products to mercury-tainted products

2 Catch Chinese screening of Benjamin Button entitled "The Strange Adventures of Freaky Grandpa Baby"

1 Pick up carton of duty-free smokes for Obama

February 16, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Abraham lincoln Would Say If He Were Alive Today

10 "Sup?"

9 "I see Madonna's still a slut"

8 "Who's that handsome sumbitch on the five?"

7 "Is that free Grand Slam deal still going on at Denny's?"

6 "I just changed my Facebook status update to, Tthe 'ol rail splitter is chillaxing'"

5 "How do I get on 'Dancing with the Stars'?"

4 "Okay, Obama, you're from Illinois, too. We get it!"

3 "Hey Phelps, don't Bogart the weed!"

2 "What's the deal with Joaquin Phoenix?"

1 "A Broadway play? Uhhh, no thanks. I'm good."

January 28, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard at the Meeting Between Barack Obama and the Republicans

10 "I miss the Clinton administration when we'd meet at Hooters"

9 "Can we wrap this up? I've got tickets to the 4:30 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop"

8 "Smoke break!"

7 "You fellas really need to take it easy on the Old Spice"

6 "Mr. President: don't misunderestimate the Republicans"

5 "Another smoke break!"

4 "What was the deal with Aretha Franklin's hat?"

3 "About that tax the rich stuff -- you were joking, right?"

2 "Sir, it's refreshing to have a Chief Executive who speaks in complete sentences"

1 "Senator Craig's offering his stimulus package in the men's room"

January 27, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Ways Rod Blagojevich Can Improve His Image

10 Star in new television series, "America's Funniest Haircuts"

9 Quit politics and become a fat, lovable mall cop

8 Start pronouncing last name with Jerry Lewis-like "BLAGOOOYYYJEVICH"

7 Offer a senate seat with no money down, zero percent interest

6 Team up with John Malkovich and Erin Brockovich for hot Malkovich-Brockovich-Blagojevich sex tape

5 Change his name to Barod Obamavich

4 Safely land an Airbus on the Hudson River

3 I don't know...how about showing up for his impeachment trial?

2 Wear sexy dresses, high heels and say, "You Betcha!"

1 Uhhh...resign?

January 16, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Signs Obama's Getting Nervious

10 New slogan: "Yes we can... or maybe not, it's hard to say"

9 In moment of confusion, requested a $300 billion bailout from the bailout industry

8 He's up to not smoking three packs a day

7 Friends say he's looking frail, shaky and...no, that's McCain

6 He's so stressed, doctors say he's developing a Sanjay in his Gupta

5 Been walking around muttering, "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"

4 Offered Governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, $100,000 to buy his old Senate seat back

3 Standing on White House roof screaming, "Save us, Superman!"

2 Sweating like Bill Clinton when Hillary comes home early

1 He demanded a recount

January 8, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Barack Obama Plans To Fix The Economy

10 Encourage tourists to throw spare change in the Grand Canyon

9 End our dependence on foreign owls

8 Sell New Mexico to Mexico

7 Put a little of that bailout money on the Ravens plus 3 at Tennessee. Come on! It's a mortal lock!

6 Rent out the moon for weddings and Bar Mitzvahs

5 Lotto our way out of this son-of-a-bitch

4 Appear on "Deal or No Deal" and hope to choose the right briefcase

3 Bail out the adult film industry -- not sure how it helps, but it can't hurt

2 Release O.J. from prison, have him steal America's money from China

1 Stop talkin' and start Obama-natin'!

January 7, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard At The Presidents' Lunch

10 "Sorry, you're not on the list, Mr. Gore"

9 "If Hillary calls, I've been here since Monday"

8 "Laura! More Mountain Dew!"

7 "You guys wanna see, 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop'?"

6 "Call the nurse -- George swallowed a napkin ring!"

5 "Hey Barack, wanna go with us to Cabo in March? Oh that's right, you have to work!"

4 "Kissey kissey"

3 "Obama? I think he's downstairs smoking a butt"

2 "Did you ever see a monkey sneezing?"

1 "I hope Clinton's unbuckling his belt because he's full"

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Mainline Treachery

Women, like Gay-Americans and Jewish-Americans have been betrayed by their “leaders” and by their supposed mainline organizations.

The essential fact that must be remembered is that the mainline Women groups, the mainline Gay groups, and to a much lesser extent some mainline Jewish groups (Jewish Americans are betrayed more often by fake “leaders” like [...]

Happy Stonewall Jackson Day, Gay-Americans

Today is the 40th anniversary of the “birth of the gay liberation movement” at the Stonewall Inn in New York.

Instead of celebrating, Gay Americans must contend with the fact that Gay-bashing Barack Obama is the Confederate Stonewall Jackson they must fight. To borrow from Confederate General Bernard E. Bee “There is Obama, [...]

Obama’s Iran Cowardice

(1) Why is anyone surprised at the latest Obama hypocrisy regarding Guantanamo?

(2) Why is anyone surprised at the Obama cowardice on Iran? Did everyone but Big Pink forget Barack Obama’s vote on Iran’s Revolutionary Guard? Actually that is a trick question because Obama was not present when the vote on declaring Iran’s Revolutionary [...]

Obama’s Sentence

What should Obama’s sentence be? No, silly, we don’t mean how long should his prison term be, we mean his sentence, as in those things that make up a paragraph. This is a sentence.

What should Obama’s sentence be? What is his sentence now? Big Pink favorite (when she is [...]

ABC, 123, Do, Re, Mi, Obama Lies To You And Me

Update II: L.A. Times confirms the death of Michael Jackson.

Update: The video below is from when Michael Jackson sang with his brothers as the Jackson 5. There are reports at the moment (approximately 5:00 p.m. Eastern Time) that Michael Jackson has died. We will keep the video up but [...]

After The Obama Press Conference: Are We Wrong About Barack Obama?

Barack Obama held a press conference today. Obama answered questions today and so we ask a question of ourselves: Are We Wrong About Barack Obama? Are our criticisms fair or unfair?

Our criticisms since April 2007 are that Obama cannot be trusted by friend nor foe, that Obama is a race-baiter and [...]

More Enormous Unprecedented Corruption

As we warned, the Obama Chicago Crimelords have moved to Washington and they seek to block any and all investigations and any and all transparency.

The corruption and hiding originates in the Oval Office.

The Obama administration is fighting to block access to names of visitors to the White House, taking up the [...]

More of Barack Obama’s Bizzaro World

In the following days we will provide a comprehensive review of the health care debate and proposals (hint: Obama will not be happy with our review), more on corruption (Walpin especially), and the latest events in, and mysteries of, Iran (Why would anyone seek, let alone listen, to Jimmy Carter’s National Security Advisor Zbigniew Brzezinski? [...]

The Dangling Conversation

There is a moment when you know a relationship is over – you don’t want to admit those “lost” hours, those “lost” years – you don’t want to admit you were a fool – you don’t want to admit “that person” is not the person you thought that person was.

That moment is fast [...]

2010 2012 Obama Worries And Obama’s Fake Gay Benefits

Mark Halperin of Time magazine (last time he was on Morning Joe was to admire a picture of Obama in Cairo and schoolboy gush “Obama is so cool”) continues to ignore reality and facts. Halperin continues to write worshipful, and trusting, tributes to Obama. But Halperin is right about one item on his [...]