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The Funnies

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February 17, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Hillary Clinton Wants To Accomplish On Her Trip Overseas

10 Exchange U.S. dollars for currency that's worth something

9 Win respect defeating Japan's top-ranked sumo wrestler

8 Shift world's perception of America from "hated" to "extremely disliked"

7 Personally thank all of her illegal campaign donors

6 Three words: stylish Indonesian pantsuits

5 Visit burial site of revered Chinese military leader, General Tso

4 Get drunk with that Japanese finance minister guy

3 Convince China to switch from lead-tainted products to mercury-tainted products

2 Catch Chinese screening of Benjamin Button entitled "The Strange Adventures of Freaky Grandpa Baby"

1 Pick up carton of duty-free smokes for Obama

February 16, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Abraham lincoln Would Say If He Were Alive Today

10 "Sup?"

9 "I see Madonna's still a slut"

8 "Who's that handsome sumbitch on the five?"

7 "Is that free Grand Slam deal still going on at Denny's?"

6 "I just changed my Facebook status update to, Tthe 'ol rail splitter is chillaxing'"

5 "How do I get on 'Dancing with the Stars'?"

4 "Okay, Obama, you're from Illinois, too. We get it!"

3 "Hey Phelps, don't Bogart the weed!"

2 "What's the deal with Joaquin Phoenix?"

1 "A Broadway play? Uhhh, no thanks. I'm good."

January 28, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard at the Meeting Between Barack Obama and the Republicans

10 "I miss the Clinton administration when we'd meet at Hooters"

9 "Can we wrap this up? I've got tickets to the 4:30 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop"

8 "Smoke break!"

7 "You fellas really need to take it easy on the Old Spice"

6 "Mr. President: don't misunderestimate the Republicans"

5 "Another smoke break!"

4 "What was the deal with Aretha Franklin's hat?"

3 "About that tax the rich stuff -- you were joking, right?"

2 "Sir, it's refreshing to have a Chief Executive who speaks in complete sentences"

1 "Senator Craig's offering his stimulus package in the men's room"

January 27, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Ways Rod Blagojevich Can Improve His Image

10 Star in new television series, "America's Funniest Haircuts"

9 Quit politics and become a fat, lovable mall cop

8 Start pronouncing last name with Jerry Lewis-like "BLAGOOOYYYJEVICH"

7 Offer a senate seat with no money down, zero percent interest

6 Team up with John Malkovich and Erin Brockovich for hot Malkovich-Brockovich-Blagojevich sex tape

5 Change his name to Barod Obamavich

4 Safely land an Airbus on the Hudson River

3 I don't know...how about showing up for his impeachment trial?

2 Wear sexy dresses, high heels and say, "You Betcha!"

1 Uhhh...resign?

January 16, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Signs Obama's Getting Nervious

10 New slogan: "Yes we can... or maybe not, it's hard to say"

9 In moment of confusion, requested a $300 billion bailout from the bailout industry

8 He's up to not smoking three packs a day

7 Friends say he's looking frail, shaky and...no, that's McCain

6 He's so stressed, doctors say he's developing a Sanjay in his Gupta

5 Been walking around muttering, "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"

4 Offered Governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, $100,000 to buy his old Senate seat back

3 Standing on White House roof screaming, "Save us, Superman!"

2 Sweating like Bill Clinton when Hillary comes home early

1 He demanded a recount

January 8, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Barack Obama Plans To Fix The Economy

10 Encourage tourists to throw spare change in the Grand Canyon

9 End our dependence on foreign owls

8 Sell New Mexico to Mexico

7 Put a little of that bailout money on the Ravens plus 3 at Tennessee. Come on! It's a mortal lock!

6 Rent out the moon for weddings and Bar Mitzvahs

5 Lotto our way out of this son-of-a-bitch

4 Appear on "Deal or No Deal" and hope to choose the right briefcase

3 Bail out the adult film industry -- not sure how it helps, but it can't hurt

2 Release O.J. from prison, have him steal America's money from China

1 Stop talkin' and start Obama-natin'!

January 7, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard At The Presidents' Lunch

10 "Sorry, you're not on the list, Mr. Gore"

9 "If Hillary calls, I've been here since Monday"

8 "Laura! More Mountain Dew!"

7 "You guys wanna see, 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop'?"

6 "Call the nurse -- George swallowed a napkin ring!"

5 "Hey Barack, wanna go with us to Cabo in March? Oh that's right, you have to work!"

4 "Kissey kissey"

3 "Obama? I think he's downstairs smoking a butt"

2 "Did you ever see a monkey sneezing?"

1 "I hope Clinton's unbuckling his belt because he's full"

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Time For A Special Prosecutor To Investigate Barack Obama, Part II

It’s time for a special prosecutor to investigate Barack Obama.

The multi-headed Hydra which is the Obama Chicago Culture Of Corruption is growing another head in Washington, D.C. and a special prosecutor is needed in Washington while Patrick Fitzgerald stabs at the Hydra in Chicago.

Let’s examine how a Special Prosecutor can be appointed and under [...]

Time For A Special Prosecutor To Investigate Barack Obama, Part I

It’s time for a special prosecutor to investigate Barack Obama.

Prosecutor Elliot Ness Patrick Fitzgerald needs help to clean up Chicago. Americans need a special prosecutor to stop the Michael Corleone family Obama Chicago Culture Of Corruption from moving to Nevada Washington, D.C.

Big Media has not done any vetting of Obama [...]

Culture Of Corruption: Barack Obama, Rezko, Blagojevich, Kennedy

It’s not Santa Claus coming to town. It’s Barack Obama and the Chicago Culture of Corruption setting up shop – a future newer and bigger corruption mill in Washington, D.C. The “Change” is new and improved and expanded CORRUPTION.

Let’s examine what today’s corruption eruption in Chicago means. We will dig into our archives to explain [...]

Instant Karma

We’re crying crocodile tears – full of insincerity. Our croc tears are almost tears of joy. Why? Not only are big Big Media outlets in trouble but in addition our Dimocrat friends are walking down the road on their journey of discovery to learn what we have known for far too long:

Obama simply cannot be [...]

History Is A Teacher

History is a teacher.

Flim-Flam men fear history.

Good citizens learn from history.

We were reminded of the importance of keeping the history of the 2008 election cycle fresh and remembered, not forgotten, during the past week.

In the past week we were flooded with emails from readers who could not access comments on this site and in some [...]

The Jar Jar Binks Of American Politics

We truly regret the Dimocrats did not get a 60 vote majority in the U.S. Senate on November 4. Our regret is genuine.

Our regret stems not only from the re-election of the utterly distasteful Republican Saxby Chambliss. It is this week’s Saxby Chambliss victory which denies the Dimocrats in the Senate a 60 vote majority. [...]

The Princess And The Pirate

[Please note: we might experience outages on the site in the next few days as we upgrade our software.]

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The year is ending like a very bad movie.

We now have real life pirates, the killing kind, starring in their very own Pirates of the Arabian. They are hoisting their Jolly Roger on captured [...]

Blue Monday

[N.B.: We've received many emails concerning the inability of some of you to access comments and in some cases entire pages of our website. We are working on a solution. Thanks for informing us of the problem and we appreciate and understand the sense of isolation some of you are undergoing.]

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