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The Funnies

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February 17, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Hillary Clinton Wants To Accomplish On Her Trip Overseas

10 Exchange U.S. dollars for currency that's worth something

9 Win respect defeating Japan's top-ranked sumo wrestler

8 Shift world's perception of America from "hated" to "extremely disliked"

7 Personally thank all of her illegal campaign donors

6 Three words: stylish Indonesian pantsuits

5 Visit burial site of revered Chinese military leader, General Tso

4 Get drunk with that Japanese finance minister guy

3 Convince China to switch from lead-tainted products to mercury-tainted products

2 Catch Chinese screening of Benjamin Button entitled "The Strange Adventures of Freaky Grandpa Baby"

1 Pick up carton of duty-free smokes for Obama

February 16, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Abraham lincoln Would Say If He Were Alive Today

10 "Sup?"

9 "I see Madonna's still a slut"

8 "Who's that handsome sumbitch on the five?"

7 "Is that free Grand Slam deal still going on at Denny's?"

6 "I just changed my Facebook status update to, Tthe 'ol rail splitter is chillaxing'"

5 "How do I get on 'Dancing with the Stars'?"

4 "Okay, Obama, you're from Illinois, too. We get it!"

3 "Hey Phelps, don't Bogart the weed!"

2 "What's the deal with Joaquin Phoenix?"

1 "A Broadway play? Uhhh, no thanks. I'm good."

January 28, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard at the Meeting Between Barack Obama and the Republicans

10 "I miss the Clinton administration when we'd meet at Hooters"

9 "Can we wrap this up? I've got tickets to the 4:30 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop"

8 "Smoke break!"

7 "You fellas really need to take it easy on the Old Spice"

6 "Mr. President: don't misunderestimate the Republicans"

5 "Another smoke break!"

4 "What was the deal with Aretha Franklin's hat?"

3 "About that tax the rich stuff -- you were joking, right?"

2 "Sir, it's refreshing to have a Chief Executive who speaks in complete sentences"

1 "Senator Craig's offering his stimulus package in the men's room"

January 27, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Ways Rod Blagojevich Can Improve His Image

10 Star in new television series, "America's Funniest Haircuts"

9 Quit politics and become a fat, lovable mall cop

8 Start pronouncing last name with Jerry Lewis-like "BLAGOOOYYYJEVICH"

7 Offer a senate seat with no money down, zero percent interest

6 Team up with John Malkovich and Erin Brockovich for hot Malkovich-Brockovich-Blagojevich sex tape

5 Change his name to Barod Obamavich

4 Safely land an Airbus on the Hudson River

3 I don't know...how about showing up for his impeachment trial?

2 Wear sexy dresses, high heels and say, "You Betcha!"

1 Uhhh...resign?

January 16, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Signs Obama's Getting Nervious

10 New slogan: "Yes we can... or maybe not, it's hard to say"

9 In moment of confusion, requested a $300 billion bailout from the bailout industry

8 He's up to not smoking three packs a day

7 Friends say he's looking frail, shaky and...no, that's McCain

6 He's so stressed, doctors say he's developing a Sanjay in his Gupta

5 Been walking around muttering, "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"

4 Offered Governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, $100,000 to buy his old Senate seat back

3 Standing on White House roof screaming, "Save us, Superman!"

2 Sweating like Bill Clinton when Hillary comes home early

1 He demanded a recount

January 8, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Barack Obama Plans To Fix The Economy

10 Encourage tourists to throw spare change in the Grand Canyon

9 End our dependence on foreign owls

8 Sell New Mexico to Mexico

7 Put a little of that bailout money on the Ravens plus 3 at Tennessee. Come on! It's a mortal lock!

6 Rent out the moon for weddings and Bar Mitzvahs

5 Lotto our way out of this son-of-a-bitch

4 Appear on "Deal or No Deal" and hope to choose the right briefcase

3 Bail out the adult film industry -- not sure how it helps, but it can't hurt

2 Release O.J. from prison, have him steal America's money from China

1 Stop talkin' and start Obama-natin'!

January 7, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard At The Presidents' Lunch

10 "Sorry, you're not on the list, Mr. Gore"

9 "If Hillary calls, I've been here since Monday"

8 "Laura! More Mountain Dew!"

7 "You guys wanna see, 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop'?"

6 "Call the nurse -- George swallowed a napkin ring!"

5 "Hey Barack, wanna go with us to Cabo in March? Oh that's right, you have to work!"

4 "Kissey kissey"

3 "Obama? I think he's downstairs smoking a butt"

2 "Did you ever see a monkey sneezing?"

1 "I hope Clinton's unbuckling his belt because he's full"

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Obama Is The Third Bush Term

Oh, if we would only go away. If we would only accept the divinity of Barack Obama. If we would only keep quiet and quietly forget. Abandon the historical memory of what has happened and what has been done. Bury the institutional memory of the process and the events of the last two years. If [...]

Lessons For Republicans

Our respect to Veterans on this Veterans Day. We thank you Veterans for your service and devotion to duty. We applaud you for knowing not to give up even after initial defeat. You remind us never to give up and that every day is a struggle to do what is right [...]

Barack Obama Is A Polish Joke

We all recall WORM – What Obama Really Meant.

During the primary and the general election campaigns Obama said foolish things all the time. Afterwards, the Obama campaign would trot out a paid operative to correct and clean up after Obama. Big Media would join in immediately to help Obama cover up his foolish statement. Big [...]

After The Lovin’

Time to rid ourselves of some more Mess-iah whoop-t-do (see HERE for “Was it a blowout? and information on how the Tuesday turnout was the same in percentage terms as 2004 and HERE for information on how tax increases are coming regardless of Obama’s words and Obama already running away from his campaign words, also [...]

The Mess-iah Complex

The Obama worship crowd is upset with us in part because we are not accepting of their Mess-iah. We are not worshiping at the altar. No pink incense is burned in tribute.

The Obama worship crowd is also upset with us because we recently wrote Obama, who strategically employed “change”, is the [...]

Barack’s World

How’s it going, 2 days into our post-racial, change-tilted, nirvana? We have some glimpses of Barack’s World.

The economy? We heard of all those wonderful supposed tax cuts doled out from Barack’s mess-ianic hand. How’s that going?

The federal government under Barack supposedly will cut taxes. State governments and [...]

Big Media Elects Its Stooge

Last night Big Media won a big one.

Last night Obama kool-aid drinkers think they won, but they did not. It was a win for Big Media and the Obama strategy, as betrayed by his history, of picking an unsavory actor and doing his (in this case, its) bidding in order for Obama [...]

Thine Is The Power

Today Americans have the opportunity to overthrow Big Media power and their stooge Barack Obama.

Americans will vote for their choice in 35 Senate races, 435 races for the entire House of Representatives, 11 governorship races as well as several odious ballot initiatives including a ban on gay marriage in California.

Exit polls will be released to [...]

Deliver Us From Evil

It’s a NOvember surprise!

In 2000, Al Gore lost West Virginia and several other states because of his opposition to coal.

Now, at this late date, Obama is running, legs akimbo, from his answers earlier this year on coal and energy policy. Obama threatened to bankrupt coal powered plants. More importantly, Obama predicted [...]

Big Media Fails To Warn America About Barack Obama

Not since the conversion of the Apostle Paul as he traveled the road to Damascus, have we witnessed such a pleasing switcheroo as some of what has happened to the London Times. It might not be much, but compared to the shame of American Big Media, the London Times deserves a bit of applause from [...]