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February 17, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Hillary Clinton Wants To Accomplish On Her Trip Overseas

10 Exchange U.S. dollars for currency that's worth something

9 Win respect defeating Japan's top-ranked sumo wrestler

8 Shift world's perception of America from "hated" to "extremely disliked"

7 Personally thank all of her illegal campaign donors

6 Three words: stylish Indonesian pantsuits

5 Visit burial site of revered Chinese military leader, General Tso

4 Get drunk with that Japanese finance minister guy

3 Convince China to switch from lead-tainted products to mercury-tainted products

2 Catch Chinese screening of Benjamin Button entitled "The Strange Adventures of Freaky Grandpa Baby"

1 Pick up carton of duty-free smokes for Obama

February 16, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Abraham lincoln Would Say If He Were Alive Today

10 "Sup?"

9 "I see Madonna's still a slut"

8 "Who's that handsome sumbitch on the five?"

7 "Is that free Grand Slam deal still going on at Denny's?"

6 "I just changed my Facebook status update to, Tthe 'ol rail splitter is chillaxing'"

5 "How do I get on 'Dancing with the Stars'?"

4 "Okay, Obama, you're from Illinois, too. We get it!"

3 "Hey Phelps, don't Bogart the weed!"

2 "What's the deal with Joaquin Phoenix?"

1 "A Broadway play? Uhhh, no thanks. I'm good."

January 28, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard at the Meeting Between Barack Obama and the Republicans

10 "I miss the Clinton administration when we'd meet at Hooters"

9 "Can we wrap this up? I've got tickets to the 4:30 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop"

8 "Smoke break!"

7 "You fellas really need to take it easy on the Old Spice"

6 "Mr. President: don't misunderestimate the Republicans"

5 "Another smoke break!"

4 "What was the deal with Aretha Franklin's hat?"

3 "About that tax the rich stuff -- you were joking, right?"

2 "Sir, it's refreshing to have a Chief Executive who speaks in complete sentences"

1 "Senator Craig's offering his stimulus package in the men's room"

January 27, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Ways Rod Blagojevich Can Improve His Image

10 Star in new television series, "America's Funniest Haircuts"

9 Quit politics and become a fat, lovable mall cop

8 Start pronouncing last name with Jerry Lewis-like "BLAGOOOYYYJEVICH"

7 Offer a senate seat with no money down, zero percent interest

6 Team up with John Malkovich and Erin Brockovich for hot Malkovich-Brockovich-Blagojevich sex tape

5 Change his name to Barod Obamavich

4 Safely land an Airbus on the Hudson River

3 I don't know...how about showing up for his impeachment trial?

2 Wear sexy dresses, high heels and say, "You Betcha!"

1 Uhhh...resign?

January 16, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Signs Obama's Getting Nervious

10 New slogan: "Yes we can... or maybe not, it's hard to say"

9 In moment of confusion, requested a $300 billion bailout from the bailout industry

8 He's up to not smoking three packs a day

7 Friends say he's looking frail, shaky and...no, that's McCain

6 He's so stressed, doctors say he's developing a Sanjay in his Gupta

5 Been walking around muttering, "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"

4 Offered Governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, $100,000 to buy his old Senate seat back

3 Standing on White House roof screaming, "Save us, Superman!"

2 Sweating like Bill Clinton when Hillary comes home early

1 He demanded a recount

January 8, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Barack Obama Plans To Fix The Economy

10 Encourage tourists to throw spare change in the Grand Canyon

9 End our dependence on foreign owls

8 Sell New Mexico to Mexico

7 Put a little of that bailout money on the Ravens plus 3 at Tennessee. Come on! It's a mortal lock!

6 Rent out the moon for weddings and Bar Mitzvahs

5 Lotto our way out of this son-of-a-bitch

4 Appear on "Deal or No Deal" and hope to choose the right briefcase

3 Bail out the adult film industry -- not sure how it helps, but it can't hurt

2 Release O.J. from prison, have him steal America's money from China

1 Stop talkin' and start Obama-natin'!

January 7, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard At The Presidents' Lunch

10 "Sorry, you're not on the list, Mr. Gore"

9 "If Hillary calls, I've been here since Monday"

8 "Laura! More Mountain Dew!"

7 "You guys wanna see, 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop'?"

6 "Call the nurse -- George swallowed a napkin ring!"

5 "Hey Barack, wanna go with us to Cabo in March? Oh that's right, you have to work!"

4 "Kissey kissey"

3 "Obama? I think he's downstairs smoking a butt"

2 "Did you ever see a monkey sneezing?"

1 "I hope Clinton's unbuckling his belt because he's full"

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Barack Obama’s Dirty Campaign Against John McCain

Update: McCain focuses on the economy while Obama/Biden continue smears:

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Years ago, in March of 2004, Keith Olbermann searched around the Maritime Hotel for the entrance to the Air America launch party. Eventually the proper entrance was found and we all walked in. The future of the Democratic Party was beyond the doors. Democrats would [...]

Barack Obama Chumps and Next Steps For Hillary Clinton Supporters

This coming week we will expand on what Hillary Clinton supporters should do during the 2008 elections and immediately after.

Today, we like Ricki Lieberman’s call to “support ‘Down Ticket’ Clinton Democrats (we will only support “Clinton Democrats“):

In the next two weeks, Senator Clinton is appearing at events for Sheila Jackson Lee (TX) and Kirsten Gillibrand [...]

Picayune Intelligence

The strong case against McCain/Palin comes from some of our greatest minds.

The latest headlines of the Picayune Intelligence newspaper reminds us of why we should not vote for Governor Sarah Palin.

Allegations made in certain election advertisements have also made a very powerful case against McCain/Palin.

Bright Hollywood minds have [...]

The Barack Obama Palin Panic

Bill Clinton snapped his fingers yesterday, and Obama came running.

The scene was eerily akin to a prestigious diner snapping his fingers at a distracted waiter.

Protocol dictates that Mohammad go to the mountain, not the mountain to Mohammad. The secretary answers the employer’s call, not the other way around. The sailor answers to the Admiral. So [...]

Obama And The Sunday After September 11, 2001

In 2001, on this date, in an almost cinematic, almost unbelievable moment, the World Trade Center towers fell. The attack that destroyed the towers shocked the nation. Americans grieved. Americans continue to grieve.

A few days later, 5 days later, on the Sunday after thousands died, there was no grieving in Obama’s [...]

Obama’s Pigs

Well, we warned them. Obama is a loser. If you lie down with dogs you get up with fleas. If you go with a loser you are a loser. The Disco Democrats are losers.

Remember the many times we wrote “Superdelegates Beware!”? We warned the Superdelegates to Beware, that [...]

Cold Turkey

When drug addicts decide to immediately “kick the habit”, when addicts try to piece back their lives and finally stop injesting the reality distorting hard drugs, they sometimes undergo a process termed “cold turkey”. It’s not pleasant. Cold turkey – an immediate withdrawal from powerful narcotics. Cold sweats, sleeplessness, shivering, fevers, pain, delirium tremens, [...]

Hillary! Please Save Us!

Barack Obama, his Chicago thugs, and Joe Biden want Hillary Clinton to save them and then go to the back of the bus.

The Obama Hopium snorters really really believed that Hillary Clinton and Hillary Clinton supporters would cough up $300 million in donations, bring in the white working class vote, bring in women [...]

Paris Hilton vs. Hanoi Hilton

The general election is finally on. Democrats are in a panic because they are beginning to understand the historic blunder they have made in selecting as a nominee the unqualified Barack Obama. We’ll discuss today why John McCain is immune to wimpy Democratic attacks and why this is an election between two locations [...]

Breaking News: A Hillary Clinton, Sarah Palin Shocker

Update: Palin Biography video below.
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It can now be reported.

Following months of investigation by intrepid Big Pink investigators in collaboration with Big Media and Big Blog busybodies the real story of what went on behind the Hillary Clinton campaign can now be told.

As many know, Hillary Clinton was the “woman” candidate “ready on Day 1″ with [...]