Barack Obama Diagnosis: Floriphobia and Michiphobia

Breaking News: In a failed attempt to revive his flagging spirits and droopy hopes with a retreat to the Virgin Islands, Barack Obama is also fighting a deadly case of Floriphobia and Michiphobia complicated with a virulent case of Wrightspepsia.

The onset of Floriphobia and Michiphobia as well as the Wrightspepsia was triggered by increasing public notice of “disconnects” between what Obama said before a certain “race” speech and what Obama said during the speech.

Extra incense is being burned round-the-clock in large bronze braziers by grieving acolytes in hopes of warding off an Obama collapse.

Early yesterday afternoon Obama’s Floriphobia was briefly immunized from the effects of a particularly vicious case of Wrightspepsia.

An anticipated appearance in a Tampa, Fla., church by Barack Obama’s former pastor and spiritual adviser — his first since his inflammatory sermons drew national scrutiny — has been canceled due to security concerns, according to the senior pastor at the church.

The Rev. Jeremiah Wright Jr. had been expected to speak at the Bible-Based Fellowship Church of Temple Terrace for three nights starting Tuesday evening. [snip]

Mason said the church was under no pressure from the Obama campaign to cancel the appearance.

However, the Wrightspepsia flared up stronger than ever later in the afternoon aggravating Obama’s Floriphobia as well as his Michiphobia.

Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, in a wide-ranging interview today with Pittsburgh Tribune-Review reporters and editors, said she would have left her church if her pastor made the sort of inflammatory remarks Sen. Barack Obama’s former pastor made.

“He would not have been my pastor,” Clinton said. “You don’t choose your family, but you choose what church you want to attend.” [snip]

The Clinton campaign had refrained from getting involved in the Wright controversy, but Clinton herself, responding to a question this morning, denounced what she said was “hate speech.”

“You know, I spoke out against Don Imus (who was fired from his radio and television shows after making racially insensitive remarks), saying that hate speech was unacceptable in any setting, and I believe that,” Clinton said. “I just think you have to speak out against that. You certainly have to do that, if not explicitly, then implicitly by getting up and moving.”

Doctors on the scene applied cold compresses to Obama’s forehead as he feverisly mumbled “No way I can win Florida or Michigan now.” and “No Florida or Michigan delegates would make a nomination illegitimate.” “Ohh, Ohh.”

More incense was ordered burned.

The feverish Obama had to be restrained and strapped to bed when he overheard an incense burner suggest that the Wrightspepsia might flare up as a topic of discussion in a debate scheduled a few days before the Pennsylvania elections. Doctors fear onset of Pennsyphobia to further complicate an already complicated prognosis.

Medical professionals at Big Pink, a compassionate website, recommended a temporary treatment (below) for Michiphobia to the Obama worship team. No known cure, other than a fair representation of Florida voters, for Floriphobia and the complications caused by Wrightspepsia are known.

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