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The Funnies

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February 17, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Hillary Clinton Wants To Accomplish On Her Trip Overseas

10 Exchange U.S. dollars for currency that's worth something

9 Win respect defeating Japan's top-ranked sumo wrestler

8 Shift world's perception of America from "hated" to "extremely disliked"

7 Personally thank all of her illegal campaign donors

6 Three words: stylish Indonesian pantsuits

5 Visit burial site of revered Chinese military leader, General Tso

4 Get drunk with that Japanese finance minister guy

3 Convince China to switch from lead-tainted products to mercury-tainted products

2 Catch Chinese screening of Benjamin Button entitled "The Strange Adventures of Freaky Grandpa Baby"

1 Pick up carton of duty-free smokes for Obama

February 16, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Abraham lincoln Would Say If He Were Alive Today

10 "Sup?"

9 "I see Madonna's still a slut"

8 "Who's that handsome sumbitch on the five?"

7 "Is that free Grand Slam deal still going on at Denny's?"

6 "I just changed my Facebook status update to, Tthe 'ol rail splitter is chillaxing'"

5 "How do I get on 'Dancing with the Stars'?"

4 "Okay, Obama, you're from Illinois, too. We get it!"

3 "Hey Phelps, don't Bogart the weed!"

2 "What's the deal with Joaquin Phoenix?"

1 "A Broadway play? Uhhh, no thanks. I'm good."

January 28, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard at the Meeting Between Barack Obama and the Republicans

10 "I miss the Clinton administration when we'd meet at Hooters"

9 "Can we wrap this up? I've got tickets to the 4:30 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop"

8 "Smoke break!"

7 "You fellas really need to take it easy on the Old Spice"

6 "Mr. President: don't misunderestimate the Republicans"

5 "Another smoke break!"

4 "What was the deal with Aretha Franklin's hat?"

3 "About that tax the rich stuff -- you were joking, right?"

2 "Sir, it's refreshing to have a Chief Executive who speaks in complete sentences"

1 "Senator Craig's offering his stimulus package in the men's room"

January 27, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Ways Rod Blagojevich Can Improve His Image

10 Star in new television series, "America's Funniest Haircuts"

9 Quit politics and become a fat, lovable mall cop

8 Start pronouncing last name with Jerry Lewis-like "BLAGOOOYYYJEVICH"

7 Offer a senate seat with no money down, zero percent interest

6 Team up with John Malkovich and Erin Brockovich for hot Malkovich-Brockovich-Blagojevich sex tape

5 Change his name to Barod Obamavich

4 Safely land an Airbus on the Hudson River

3 I don't know...how about showing up for his impeachment trial?

2 Wear sexy dresses, high heels and say, "You Betcha!"

1 Uhhh...resign?

January 16, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Signs Obama's Getting Nervious

10 New slogan: "Yes we can... or maybe not, it's hard to say"

9 In moment of confusion, requested a $300 billion bailout from the bailout industry

8 He's up to not smoking three packs a day

7 Friends say he's looking frail, shaky and...no, that's McCain

6 He's so stressed, doctors say he's developing a Sanjay in his Gupta

5 Been walking around muttering, "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"

4 Offered Governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, $100,000 to buy his old Senate seat back

3 Standing on White House roof screaming, "Save us, Superman!"

2 Sweating like Bill Clinton when Hillary comes home early

1 He demanded a recount

January 8, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Barack Obama Plans To Fix The Economy

10 Encourage tourists to throw spare change in the Grand Canyon

9 End our dependence on foreign owls

8 Sell New Mexico to Mexico

7 Put a little of that bailout money on the Ravens plus 3 at Tennessee. Come on! It's a mortal lock!

6 Rent out the moon for weddings and Bar Mitzvahs

5 Lotto our way out of this son-of-a-bitch

4 Appear on "Deal or No Deal" and hope to choose the right briefcase

3 Bail out the adult film industry -- not sure how it helps, but it can't hurt

2 Release O.J. from prison, have him steal America's money from China

1 Stop talkin' and start Obama-natin'!

January 7, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard At The Presidents' Lunch

10 "Sorry, you're not on the list, Mr. Gore"

9 "If Hillary calls, I've been here since Monday"

8 "Laura! More Mountain Dew!"

7 "You guys wanna see, 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop'?"

6 "Call the nurse -- George swallowed a napkin ring!"

5 "Hey Barack, wanna go with us to Cabo in March? Oh that's right, you have to work!"

4 "Kissey kissey"

3 "Obama? I think he's downstairs smoking a butt"

2 "Did you ever see a monkey sneezing?"

1 "I hope Clinton's unbuckling his belt because he's full"

Recent Articles Calendar

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Celebrate

Lots of Hillary Clinton events to attend and Hillary Clinton news to celebrate. Tonight is the big Radio City Music Hall pre-Birthday Celebration. This coming Saturday is a big Harlem Homecoming party for Hillary.

But first let’s discuss the latest news.

Obama supporters are still trying to justify the Obama gay bashing tour in South Carolina. These [...]

Obama’s Sad Day

Obama had another long, ugly and sad day today. It was not a gay day.

The day started with denials and ended with confession.

Obama’s days will be sadder this coming weekend.

Late today Obama decided to concede that this weekend’s gospel tour in South Carolina is indeed a gay bashing tour. As we noted yesterday it is [...]

A Hillary Loss and Some Wins

Barack Obama’s past few weeks of Hillary sliming have earned him a continuing plunge in election polls. Obama’s gay bashing tour in South Carolina should deflate his election prospects further. We discuss the latest developments in Barack Obama’s gay bashing tour later today.

Hillary Clinton continues to shine and to put forth a positive agenda. No [...]

Black And White … And Lavender And Yellow

Update: Protests against Obama being planned:

And now we hear, via MSNBC, that Obama’s staff think they’ve weathered the storm, that the crisis has now passed, and it won’t damage them much at all. Funny, but I’ve got enough additional info to write about for the next week at least. There’s much more on this [...]

A Gay Ol’ Time In South Carolina

What will Oprah say?

What will Oprah’s friend, Gale, say?

What will David Geffen say?

What will Albus Dumbledore say?

What will the Big Blogs say?

What will ‘uncomfortable’ John Edwards say?

What will liberal big dollar campaign donors say?

What will Big Media say?

What will they all say about “Barack Obama and the Bigot Gospel Tour”?

Barack Obama with his Embrace the [...]

When Dogs Bark

If there is any doubt as to how deranged Big Media, even British Big Media, have become when it comes to the topic of Hillary Clinton, more proof sadly has arrived.

The Atlantic Monthy, once a prestigious publication, has debased our national conversation on the 2008 presidential election with a brand sparkling new anti-Hillary Clinton article [...]

Stop Hillary Now

While other candidates prattle about what interests them, Hillary Clinton is focused on what matters most to Americans. Hillary Clinton addressed the needs of America’s middle class last week. This week once again Hillary Clinton is focused on the economy and its effects on “Invisible Americans”.

Hillary Clinton is rewarded by Americans [...]

Obama’s Present To RIPublicans

Barack Cheney Obama, fresh from his Slime Hillary Clinton gig on the Tonight Show, today proudly continues his Slime Hillary Clinton tour – with Ripublicans joining him as an added attraction in Obama’s Chicago Circus of the Ridiculous.

Buried in Josh Marshall’s increasingly biased against Hillary Clinton blog is an interesting lump of information posted [...]

Barack Obama Slimes Hillary Clinton on Leno Show

Update: Hillary Clinton is one classy lady:

“The last couple of weeks I’ve been getting a lot of attention from the men in this race.”

“At first I didn’t know what to make of it.”

“And then a good friend of mine said, ‘You know, when you get to be our age, having that much attention from all [...]

What Democrats Want. What The Country Needs.

According to today’s Iowa Rasmussen poll which has Hillary Clinton up dramatically, eighty-nine percent (89%) of Likely Democratic Caucus Participants believe the Democrats will win the White House in 2008. Democrats nationally are fired up and know we will rout the RIPublicans out of our White House and our Congress in 2008. Democrats know we [...]