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February 17, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Hillary Clinton Wants To Accomplish On Her Trip Overseas

10 Exchange U.S. dollars for currency that's worth something

9 Win respect defeating Japan's top-ranked sumo wrestler

8 Shift world's perception of America from "hated" to "extremely disliked"

7 Personally thank all of her illegal campaign donors

6 Three words: stylish Indonesian pantsuits

5 Visit burial site of revered Chinese military leader, General Tso

4 Get drunk with that Japanese finance minister guy

3 Convince China to switch from lead-tainted products to mercury-tainted products

2 Catch Chinese screening of Benjamin Button entitled "The Strange Adventures of Freaky Grandpa Baby"

1 Pick up carton of duty-free smokes for Obama

February 16, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Abraham lincoln Would Say If He Were Alive Today

10 "Sup?"

9 "I see Madonna's still a slut"

8 "Who's that handsome sumbitch on the five?"

7 "Is that free Grand Slam deal still going on at Denny's?"

6 "I just changed my Facebook status update to, Tthe 'ol rail splitter is chillaxing'"

5 "How do I get on 'Dancing with the Stars'?"

4 "Okay, Obama, you're from Illinois, too. We get it!"

3 "Hey Phelps, don't Bogart the weed!"

2 "What's the deal with Joaquin Phoenix?"

1 "A Broadway play? Uhhh, no thanks. I'm good."

January 28, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard at the Meeting Between Barack Obama and the Republicans

10 "I miss the Clinton administration when we'd meet at Hooters"

9 "Can we wrap this up? I've got tickets to the 4:30 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop"

8 "Smoke break!"

7 "You fellas really need to take it easy on the Old Spice"

6 "Mr. President: don't misunderestimate the Republicans"

5 "Another smoke break!"

4 "What was the deal with Aretha Franklin's hat?"

3 "About that tax the rich stuff -- you were joking, right?"

2 "Sir, it's refreshing to have a Chief Executive who speaks in complete sentences"

1 "Senator Craig's offering his stimulus package in the men's room"

January 27, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Ways Rod Blagojevich Can Improve His Image

10 Star in new television series, "America's Funniest Haircuts"

9 Quit politics and become a fat, lovable mall cop

8 Start pronouncing last name with Jerry Lewis-like "BLAGOOOYYYJEVICH"

7 Offer a senate seat with no money down, zero percent interest

6 Team up with John Malkovich and Erin Brockovich for hot Malkovich-Brockovich-Blagojevich sex tape

5 Change his name to Barod Obamavich

4 Safely land an Airbus on the Hudson River

3 I don't know...how about showing up for his impeachment trial?

2 Wear sexy dresses, high heels and say, "You Betcha!"

1 Uhhh...resign?

January 16, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Signs Obama's Getting Nervious

10 New slogan: "Yes we can... or maybe not, it's hard to say"

9 In moment of confusion, requested a $300 billion bailout from the bailout industry

8 He's up to not smoking three packs a day

7 Friends say he's looking frail, shaky and...no, that's McCain

6 He's so stressed, doctors say he's developing a Sanjay in his Gupta

5 Been walking around muttering, "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"

4 Offered Governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, $100,000 to buy his old Senate seat back

3 Standing on White House roof screaming, "Save us, Superman!"

2 Sweating like Bill Clinton when Hillary comes home early

1 He demanded a recount

January 8, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Barack Obama Plans To Fix The Economy

10 Encourage tourists to throw spare change in the Grand Canyon

9 End our dependence on foreign owls

8 Sell New Mexico to Mexico

7 Put a little of that bailout money on the Ravens plus 3 at Tennessee. Come on! It's a mortal lock!

6 Rent out the moon for weddings and Bar Mitzvahs

5 Lotto our way out of this son-of-a-bitch

4 Appear on "Deal or No Deal" and hope to choose the right briefcase

3 Bail out the adult film industry -- not sure how it helps, but it can't hurt

2 Release O.J. from prison, have him steal America's money from China

1 Stop talkin' and start Obama-natin'!

January 7, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard At The Presidents' Lunch

10 "Sorry, you're not on the list, Mr. Gore"

9 "If Hillary calls, I've been here since Monday"

8 "Laura! More Mountain Dew!"

7 "You guys wanna see, 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop'?"

6 "Call the nurse -- George swallowed a napkin ring!"

5 "Hey Barack, wanna go with us to Cabo in March? Oh that's right, you have to work!"

4 "Kissey kissey"

3 "Obama? I think he's downstairs smoking a butt"

2 "Did you ever see a monkey sneezing?"

1 "I hope Clinton's unbuckling his belt because he's full"

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Barack Obama’s Fall

[Programming Note for Sunday:
• Meet the Press hosts Hillary and ex-Fed Chair Alan Greenspan.
• Face the Nation hosts Hillary and Politico's John Harris.
• This Week hosts Hillary. The roundtable consists of Washington Post's E.J. Dionne, New York Times' David Brooks, Cokie Roberts and George Will. PBS' Ken Burns is the Voices segment.
• Fox N_ws Sunday [...]

The Presence Of Absence

The British painter David Hockney, now a California resident, was known for the Non-presence of People in his paintings. Slate called Hockney’s work Shallow Lyricism.

Hockney’s painting A Bigger Splash reminds us of Obama – big splash and emptiness. “Shallow Lyricism” also reminds us of Obama and his vapid adjective laden hagiography about himself.

Yesterday was Presence [...]

A Hillary Dawn

A while back we linked to an hysterically funny blog post from an Obama supporter who attended an Obama fundraiser and left… well, disenchanted might be the polite word. Now that blogger, Dawn Summers, is back after attending a Hillary fundraiser. Dawn left the Hillary fundraiser with the following impression:

She [Hillary] laid out plans for [...]

Hillary Clinton and Dems At AARP Debate – Obama Still AWOL

Reminder:  Bill Clinton on The Daily Show at 11:00 p.m. ET.

—————————————————

We speculated on why Barack Obama will really not be at tonight’s AARP Debate. Hillary Clinton and the other Dems with offices in Iowa will attend the debate.

The AARP Debate starts in a few minutes. Obama is still AWOL.

—————————–

From the Adler Theater in Davenport, Iowa.  [...]

Barack Obama’s Social Insecurity

[Please Note: AARP DEBATE TONIGHT - 8:00 P.M. ET, 7:00 CST. We'll be blogging the debate. Hillary will be on several talk shows this Sunday morning. Right now we know of Meet the Press and Fox News Sunday, with Chris Wallace. Does Hillary ever sleep?]
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Today the Quad-City Times notes that [...]

Hillary Clinton AARP – Barack Obama AWOL

Update: from the comments (is this what Obama calls “new politics” – dissing the biggest voting bloc in Iowa?): Below are excerpts from the Des Moines Register story back in August when Obama said he would not attend the AARP forum:

The decision to not attend the AARP event, aimed at issues important to people [...]

Hillary Clinton – The Juggernaut Begins To Move

The other Democratic candidates probably think the Hillary Clinton Juggernaut has been on the move since January – but they are wrong. From January until September 15 the Hillary Juggernaut was rousing itself, organizing itself, gathering the storm clouds.

Now the Hillary Juggernaut has begun to move.

It is not the reinforced concrete poll numbers reflecting Hillary’s [...]

Hillary Clinton’s American Health Choices Plan Conversation

UPDATE: HILLARY and surprise guest WES CLARK and Governor TOM VILSACK – In New York City – TOMORROW. Limited Available $50.00 tickets HERE. If you want to see Wes Clark and Hillary RUSH and register for this historic event. Few tickets left (in the line “were you referred by one of the hosts? Click General [...]

Hillary Clinton’s Healthy Plan

Update: Added the new ad as well as the Good Morning America interview.
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[Programming notes: Hillary on ABC's Good Morning America today (7:00 a.m. ET). Additional Hillary events on the calendar today HERE. Don't forget to sign up for Hillary's webcast tonight. Hillary also discusses health care and her plan with Anderson Cooper on American Morning [...]

Hillary Clinton’s Economic Necessity

Update II: Hillary at SEIU Live Webcast HERE - Exciting live webstream of Hillary mobbed and adored and hugged – SEIU – Watch It Live

Update: Hillary’s American Health Choices Plan is HERE.
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At the Harkin Steak Fry yesterday, Hillary Clinton said that universal health care is “not only a moral imperative, but an economic necessity.”

On June 11, [...]