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The Funnies

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February 17, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Hillary Clinton Wants To Accomplish On Her Trip Overseas

10 Exchange U.S. dollars for currency that's worth something

9 Win respect defeating Japan's top-ranked sumo wrestler

8 Shift world's perception of America from "hated" to "extremely disliked"

7 Personally thank all of her illegal campaign donors

6 Three words: stylish Indonesian pantsuits

5 Visit burial site of revered Chinese military leader, General Tso

4 Get drunk with that Japanese finance minister guy

3 Convince China to switch from lead-tainted products to mercury-tainted products

2 Catch Chinese screening of Benjamin Button entitled "The Strange Adventures of Freaky Grandpa Baby"

1 Pick up carton of duty-free smokes for Obama

February 16, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Abraham lincoln Would Say If He Were Alive Today

10 "Sup?"

9 "I see Madonna's still a slut"

8 "Who's that handsome sumbitch on the five?"

7 "Is that free Grand Slam deal still going on at Denny's?"

6 "I just changed my Facebook status update to, Tthe 'ol rail splitter is chillaxing'"

5 "How do I get on 'Dancing with the Stars'?"

4 "Okay, Obama, you're from Illinois, too. We get it!"

3 "Hey Phelps, don't Bogart the weed!"

2 "What's the deal with Joaquin Phoenix?"

1 "A Broadway play? Uhhh, no thanks. I'm good."

January 28, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard at the Meeting Between Barack Obama and the Republicans

10 "I miss the Clinton administration when we'd meet at Hooters"

9 "Can we wrap this up? I've got tickets to the 4:30 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop"

8 "Smoke break!"

7 "You fellas really need to take it easy on the Old Spice"

6 "Mr. President: don't misunderestimate the Republicans"

5 "Another smoke break!"

4 "What was the deal with Aretha Franklin's hat?"

3 "About that tax the rich stuff -- you were joking, right?"

2 "Sir, it's refreshing to have a Chief Executive who speaks in complete sentences"

1 "Senator Craig's offering his stimulus package in the men's room"

January 27, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Ways Rod Blagojevich Can Improve His Image

10 Star in new television series, "America's Funniest Haircuts"

9 Quit politics and become a fat, lovable mall cop

8 Start pronouncing last name with Jerry Lewis-like "BLAGOOOYYYJEVICH"

7 Offer a senate seat with no money down, zero percent interest

6 Team up with John Malkovich and Erin Brockovich for hot Malkovich-Brockovich-Blagojevich sex tape

5 Change his name to Barod Obamavich

4 Safely land an Airbus on the Hudson River

3 I don't know...how about showing up for his impeachment trial?

2 Wear sexy dresses, high heels and say, "You Betcha!"

1 Uhhh...resign?

January 16, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Signs Obama's Getting Nervious

10 New slogan: "Yes we can... or maybe not, it's hard to say"

9 In moment of confusion, requested a $300 billion bailout from the bailout industry

8 He's up to not smoking three packs a day

7 Friends say he's looking frail, shaky and...no, that's McCain

6 He's so stressed, doctors say he's developing a Sanjay in his Gupta

5 Been walking around muttering, "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"

4 Offered Governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, $100,000 to buy his old Senate seat back

3 Standing on White House roof screaming, "Save us, Superman!"

2 Sweating like Bill Clinton when Hillary comes home early

1 He demanded a recount

January 8, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Barack Obama Plans To Fix The Economy

10 Encourage tourists to throw spare change in the Grand Canyon

9 End our dependence on foreign owls

8 Sell New Mexico to Mexico

7 Put a little of that bailout money on the Ravens plus 3 at Tennessee. Come on! It's a mortal lock!

6 Rent out the moon for weddings and Bar Mitzvahs

5 Lotto our way out of this son-of-a-bitch

4 Appear on "Deal or No Deal" and hope to choose the right briefcase

3 Bail out the adult film industry -- not sure how it helps, but it can't hurt

2 Release O.J. from prison, have him steal America's money from China

1 Stop talkin' and start Obama-natin'!

January 7, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard At The Presidents' Lunch

10 "Sorry, you're not on the list, Mr. Gore"

9 "If Hillary calls, I've been here since Monday"

8 "Laura! More Mountain Dew!"

7 "You guys wanna see, 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop'?"

6 "Call the nurse -- George swallowed a napkin ring!"

5 "Hey Barack, wanna go with us to Cabo in March? Oh that's right, you have to work!"

4 "Kissey kissey"

3 "Obama? I think he's downstairs smoking a butt"

2 "Did you ever see a monkey sneezing?"

1 "I hope Clinton's unbuckling his belt because he's full"

Recent Articles Calendar

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We Can’t Spare This General. She Fights

Hillary Clinton is a fighter. Hillary is not kidding when she counters Rove and says she has been “fighting against these people” for years. In this fighting spirit Hillary is very much like Civil War General Ulysses S. Grant.

When Lincoln was asked to fire Grant, Lincoln refused by saying “I can’t [...]

The Coming Obama Whine

Before the Obama crackup when voting begins in the primaries – there will be the Obama whine.

The Obama whine will come soon – the moment the Chicago sleepyheads put down their mud buckets, read a newspaper, and realize the calendar is moving, like a great wall of clouds, against their inept and inexperienced campaign.

Back in [...]

Hillary Clinton Sums It Up

There are a lot of great moments from yesterday’s debate which we should not miss. We like how Hillary answered many canards raised by the unthinking supporters of other candidates.

Hillary Clinton is proud of her record and life history. Hillary Clinton knows the Ripublicans will attack any Democrat (remember in 2002 quadriplegic war veteran Max [...]

Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, John Edwards, Biden, Dodd, Kuch, Gravel Debate

UPDATE:

We will post our Iowa debate coverage below our initial post (below the ABC News comments directly below). Also, as noted in the comments ABC News will post the debate after 2:00 p.m. EDT at their website. C-Span will re-air the debate at 6:30 and 9:30 p.m. EDT.
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Hopefully Barack Obama will get coaxed out [...]

Coward-In-Chief

[SEE UPDATE BELOW]
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Barack Obama (D-Rezko) is being dishonest again. Chicago politics has become the “new” politics.

Afraid to debate other Democrats, Obama’s dishonest campaign tries to sell that cowardice as an advance for voters.

In the latest hot-air-filled souffle from Obama souffle manager David Plouffe Obama tries to convince intelligent people that he will not participate in [...]

Muddy Waters

Pottawattamie. Pottawattamie. Pottawattamie. Pottawattamie. Pottawattamie. It’s “pronounced pretty much the way it is spelled.” Five times Obama tried to say Pottawattamie “getting it right on his fifth attempt following some help from the audience.”

Now let’s help with this one: Rezko. Rezko. Rezko. Rezko. Rezko.

The inability of Obama to pronounce the name of Iowa’s eighth largest [...]

Barack Obama’s Bush Moments

What is Barack Obama up to? What is Hillary Clinton doing? What are the other candidates up to?

The quick answers:

Barack Obama is turning into George Bush. In fact, Obama is defending George Bush. George Bush is not to blame for our problems, says the naive and irresponsible and inexperienced Obama. Obama has [...]

The Politics of Joy

Hillary Clinton is a happy campaigner. She exudes joy. She has a hearty laugh.

Hillary’s joy filled politics translate into a commanding presence on the campaign trail.

The joy for Hillary comes from the confidence that all the years of fighting for progressive values have prepared her for this challenge of running for [...]

The Gift

While the John Edwards campaign fights tangerines and his Murdoch hypocrisy and Obama fights his own words on foreign policy as well as his hypocrisy on lobbyists, Hillary is fighting the White House and its bunglers at the Pentagon.

Hillary’s latest fight with the White House:

White House deputy press secretary Dana Perino initially declined to [...]

Invisible Vote

Update II: Here is a little example of how Big Media spins stories against Hillary. Politico tried to be clever and instead showed its stupidity: No points for figuring out why Hillary picked Iowa for her first ad. Not only is she trailing there (or running roughly neck-and-neck with Edwards and Obama, depending on which [...]