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The Funnies

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February 17, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Hillary Clinton Wants To Accomplish On Her Trip Overseas

10 Exchange U.S. dollars for currency that's worth something

9 Win respect defeating Japan's top-ranked sumo wrestler

8 Shift world's perception of America from "hated" to "extremely disliked"

7 Personally thank all of her illegal campaign donors

6 Three words: stylish Indonesian pantsuits

5 Visit burial site of revered Chinese military leader, General Tso

4 Get drunk with that Japanese finance minister guy

3 Convince China to switch from lead-tainted products to mercury-tainted products

2 Catch Chinese screening of Benjamin Button entitled "The Strange Adventures of Freaky Grandpa Baby"

1 Pick up carton of duty-free smokes for Obama

February 16, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Abraham lincoln Would Say If He Were Alive Today

10 "Sup?"

9 "I see Madonna's still a slut"

8 "Who's that handsome sumbitch on the five?"

7 "Is that free Grand Slam deal still going on at Denny's?"

6 "I just changed my Facebook status update to, Tthe 'ol rail splitter is chillaxing'"

5 "How do I get on 'Dancing with the Stars'?"

4 "Okay, Obama, you're from Illinois, too. We get it!"

3 "Hey Phelps, don't Bogart the weed!"

2 "What's the deal with Joaquin Phoenix?"

1 "A Broadway play? Uhhh, no thanks. I'm good."

January 28, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard at the Meeting Between Barack Obama and the Republicans

10 "I miss the Clinton administration when we'd meet at Hooters"

9 "Can we wrap this up? I've got tickets to the 4:30 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop"

8 "Smoke break!"

7 "You fellas really need to take it easy on the Old Spice"

6 "Mr. President: don't misunderestimate the Republicans"

5 "Another smoke break!"

4 "What was the deal with Aretha Franklin's hat?"

3 "About that tax the rich stuff -- you were joking, right?"

2 "Sir, it's refreshing to have a Chief Executive who speaks in complete sentences"

1 "Senator Craig's offering his stimulus package in the men's room"

January 27, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Ways Rod Blagojevich Can Improve His Image

10 Star in new television series, "America's Funniest Haircuts"

9 Quit politics and become a fat, lovable mall cop

8 Start pronouncing last name with Jerry Lewis-like "BLAGOOOYYYJEVICH"

7 Offer a senate seat with no money down, zero percent interest

6 Team up with John Malkovich and Erin Brockovich for hot Malkovich-Brockovich-Blagojevich sex tape

5 Change his name to Barod Obamavich

4 Safely land an Airbus on the Hudson River

3 I don't know...how about showing up for his impeachment trial?

2 Wear sexy dresses, high heels and say, "You Betcha!"

1 Uhhh...resign?

January 16, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Signs Obama's Getting Nervious

10 New slogan: "Yes we can... or maybe not, it's hard to say"

9 In moment of confusion, requested a $300 billion bailout from the bailout industry

8 He's up to not smoking three packs a day

7 Friends say he's looking frail, shaky and...no, that's McCain

6 He's so stressed, doctors say he's developing a Sanjay in his Gupta

5 Been walking around muttering, "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"

4 Offered Governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, $100,000 to buy his old Senate seat back

3 Standing on White House roof screaming, "Save us, Superman!"

2 Sweating like Bill Clinton when Hillary comes home early

1 He demanded a recount

January 8, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Barack Obama Plans To Fix The Economy

10 Encourage tourists to throw spare change in the Grand Canyon

9 End our dependence on foreign owls

8 Sell New Mexico to Mexico

7 Put a little of that bailout money on the Ravens plus 3 at Tennessee. Come on! It's a mortal lock!

6 Rent out the moon for weddings and Bar Mitzvahs

5 Lotto our way out of this son-of-a-bitch

4 Appear on "Deal or No Deal" and hope to choose the right briefcase

3 Bail out the adult film industry -- not sure how it helps, but it can't hurt

2 Release O.J. from prison, have him steal America's money from China

1 Stop talkin' and start Obama-natin'!

January 7, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard At The Presidents' Lunch

10 "Sorry, you're not on the list, Mr. Gore"

9 "If Hillary calls, I've been here since Monday"

8 "Laura! More Mountain Dew!"

7 "You guys wanna see, 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop'?"

6 "Call the nurse -- George swallowed a napkin ring!"

5 "Hey Barack, wanna go with us to Cabo in March? Oh that's right, you have to work!"

4 "Kissey kissey"

3 "Obama? I think he's downstairs smoking a butt"

2 "Did you ever see a monkey sneezing?"

1 "I hope Clinton's unbuckling his belt because he's full"

Recent Articles Calendar

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Nominees

We noted in our initial Hall Of Fame post the importance of thanking pro-Hillary Heroes who regularly venture forth onto Big Blogs and elsewhere to defend Hillary and/or to explain why she is the best Democratic nominee for president.

In our initial Hall of Fame induction we saluted

DCDemocrat
Sepulvedaj3
JustaProgressive
Terrondt
Lambros
Tigercourse

With suggestions from DCDemocrat we have compiled [...]

Naderites and Nominees

UPDATE:  Don’t forget, Hillary on Letterman’s show tonight.  Lots of good news too pollwise and endorsements.

——————– 

Big Blog owners are beginning to unmask themselves. They are Naderites.

These Naderites, like Lord Nader himself, want egotistical personal power and let the common good be damned. These Naderites want Democrats to follow their lead to ruin. These Naderites are [...]

Hillary Clinton Fights Fear Fearlessly

In Pissing In The Well, published on Saturday, August 25, 2007, we supported Hillary discussing potential terror alerts and attacks. We wrote:

We wish that Kerry would have talked about the many “terror alerts” well before the 2004 election. We wish that Kerry had prepared the American people for the fear they would feel [...]

Hillary Clinton Blooms, Barack Obama Swoons, John Edwards Croons

Update: United Transportation Union endorses Hillary.

The United Transportation Union today (Aug. 28) became the first labor union in America to endorse Hillary Rodham Clinton for President of the United States.

“It is a high honor and a distinct privilege to be the first labor union in making this endorsement,” said UTU International President Paul Thompson. “The [...]

Life On Mars

According to Joop Houtkooper of the University of Giessen, Germany the “soil on Mars may contain microbial life.”

Earlier explorations of Mars had detected no life signs.

But Joop Houtkooper of the University of Giessen, Germany, said on Friday the spacecraft may in fact have found signs of a weird life form based on hydrogen peroxide [...]

Women’s Equality Day

You’ve Got The Vote. Use it. Make Herstory:

On August 26, 1920, after decades of struggle, women finally won the right to vote. For many women, the19th Amendment was only the first step in the battle for equal rights. Women’s Equality Day celebrates the women who refused to back down, and fought to ensure our right [...]

Pissing In The Well

We dislike being so indelicate. Some Democrats are so very well-mannered.  However, this is an important learning moment.

The Senator from Connecticut is sure to object to our lack of finesse, our tastelessness.

Handsome Johnny from McMansion, and the Governor from New Mexico, will sniff at us for being so vulgar as to discuss political calculation.

The nutroots [...]

Hillary Clinton To Blame For EHS

Hillary Clinton’s message of real hope and real opportunity and real progress continues to resonate throughout the nation. Hillary Clinton dominates the polls. Hillary Clinton dominates the debates.

Hillary Clinton is also to blame for this late August outbreak of EHS.

The latest outbreak of EHS has spread rapidly. Emergency treatment is required.

Let’s call in the epidemiologists. [...]

Top Ten Reasons To Vote For Hillary Clinton

Hillary Clinton appears on the 14th anniversary broadcast of the David Letterman show next Thursday.

The 44th President to be – Hillary.

Among the “Top Ten”s that Dave’s already done:

Hillary Clinton Internet Screen Names, Ways The White House Is Different Now That Hillary Has Moved Out, Surprises in the Barbara Walters-Hillary Clinton Interview, Signs Hillary Clinton is [...]

Every Picture Tells A Story

Update:
Sandy1938’s pooch “Tiny” canvasses for Hillary with Hillary Is 44 button on collar.

——————

Hillary Clinton, winning from sea to shining sea.

From Pollster.com a graph of National Polls:

From Pollster.com a graph of Iowa Polls:

From Pollster.com a graph of New Hampshire Polls:

From Pollster.com a graph of Nevada Polls:

From Pollster.com a graph of South Carolina Polls:

From Pollster.com a [...]