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February 17, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Hillary Clinton Wants To Accomplish On Her Trip Overseas
10 Exchange U.S. dollars for currency that's worth something
9 Win respect defeating Japan's top-ranked sumo wrestler
8 Shift world's perception of America from "hated" to "extremely disliked"
7 Personally thank all of her illegal campaign donors
6 Three words: stylish Indonesian pantsuits
5 Visit burial site of revered Chinese military leader, General Tso
4 Get drunk with that Japanese finance minister guy
3 Convince China to switch from lead-tainted products to mercury-tainted products
2 Catch Chinese screening of Benjamin Button entitled "The Strange Adventures of Freaky Grandpa Baby"
1 Pick up carton of duty-free smokes for Obama
February 16, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Abraham lincoln Would Say If He Were Alive Today
10 "Sup?"
9 "I see Madonna's still a slut"
8 "Who's that handsome sumbitch on the five?"
7 "Is that free Grand Slam deal still going on at Denny's?"
6 "I just changed my Facebook status update to, Tthe 'ol rail splitter is chillaxing'"
5 "How do I get on 'Dancing with the Stars'?"
4 "Okay, Obama, you're from Illinois, too. We get it!"
3 "Hey Phelps, don't Bogart the weed!"
2 "What's the deal with Joaquin Phoenix?"
1 "A Broadway play? Uhhh, no thanks. I'm good."
January 28, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard at the Meeting Between Barack Obama and the Republicans
10 "I miss the Clinton administration when we'd meet at Hooters"
9 "Can we wrap this up? I've got tickets to the 4:30 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop"
8 "Smoke break!"
7 "You fellas really need to take it easy on the Old Spice"
6 "Mr. President: don't misunderestimate the Republicans"
5 "Another smoke break!"
4 "What was the deal with Aretha Franklin's hat?"
3 "About that tax the rich stuff -- you were joking, right?"
2 "Sir, it's refreshing to have a Chief Executive who speaks in complete sentences"
1 "Senator Craig's offering his stimulus package in the men's room"
January 27, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Ways Rod Blagojevich Can Improve His Image
10 Star in new television series, "America's Funniest Haircuts"
9 Quit politics and become a fat, lovable mall cop
8 Start pronouncing last name with Jerry Lewis-like "BLAGOOOYYYJEVICH"
7 Offer a senate seat with no money down, zero percent interest
6 Team up with John Malkovich and Erin Brockovich for hot Malkovich-Brockovich-Blagojevich sex tape
5 Change his name to Barod Obamavich
4 Safely land an Airbus on the Hudson River
3 I don't know...how about showing up for his impeachment trial?
2 Wear sexy dresses, high heels and say, "You Betcha!"
1 Uhhh...resign?
January 16, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Signs Obama's Getting Nervious
10 New slogan: "Yes we can... or maybe not, it's hard to say"
9 In moment of confusion, requested a $300 billion bailout from the bailout industry
8 He's up to not smoking three packs a day
7 Friends say he's looking frail, shaky and...no, that's McCain
6 He's so stressed, doctors say he's developing a Sanjay in his Gupta
5 Been walking around muttering, "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"
4 Offered Governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, $100,000 to buy his old Senate seat back
3 Standing on White House roof screaming, "Save us, Superman!"
2 Sweating like Bill Clinton when Hillary comes home early
1 He demanded a recount
January 8, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Barack Obama Plans To Fix The Economy
10 Encourage tourists to throw spare change in the Grand Canyon
9 End our dependence on foreign owls
8 Sell New Mexico to Mexico
7 Put a little of that bailout money on the Ravens plus 3 at Tennessee. Come on! It's a mortal lock!
6 Rent out the moon for weddings and Bar Mitzvahs
5 Lotto our way out of this son-of-a-bitch
4 Appear on "Deal or No Deal" and hope to choose the right briefcase
3 Bail out the adult film industry -- not sure how it helps, but it can't hurt
2 Release O.J. from prison, have him steal America's money from China
1 Stop talkin' and start Obama-natin'!
January 7, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard At The Presidents' Lunch
10 "Sorry, you're not on the list, Mr. Gore"
9 "If Hillary calls, I've been here since Monday"
8 "Laura! More Mountain Dew!"
7 "You guys wanna see, 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop'?"
6 "Call the nurse -- George swallowed a napkin ring!"
5 "Hey Barack, wanna go with us to Cabo in March? Oh that's right, you have to work!"
4 "Kissey kissey"
3 "Obama? I think he's downstairs smoking a butt"
2 "Did you ever see a monkey sneezing?"
1 "I hope Clinton's unbuckling his belt because he's full"
Appearence is everything with Obama, even if it takes an illusion.
Obama is sickening! He is full of platitudes and no substance. I don’t know how anyone can swallow the things he throws. I mean the audacity to run after 2 and half year in Washington! Well..well..what can you say! This is the different kind of politics of course! Go Hillary!!!!
Billy and secretpolitics:
I must confess that I am pleased that I am not alone in my deep suspicion of Senator Obama. I just don’t trust him.
secretpolitics said:
“the audacity to run after ‘only’ 2 and half year in Washington!”
this sums up exactly how I feel towards Obama, fresh as he is described as, is just another word for inexperienced, wich is exactly what he is!!
Hey thanks for endorsing my comment. Yes, I have been following this from day1. I have watched every single one of Obama’s speeches. There is something fishy about him. Something quite not genuine…
People call Hillary ambitious. For god sakes is that why she was the first lady of Arkansas patiently waiting for 8 odd years and then another 8 odd years in the White and then another 6 1/2 years as senator?
And during her years in Arkansas without a public office she worked so much for education and children and health care! She continued the same in the White house – well she got booed for trying to bring universal healthcare! If she was ambitious she would have treaded carefully! Go figure! Where as look at this guy -running after 2 1/2 years? And who is ambitious now? He is downright cunning and calculating!
Listen to him working the crowds up with platitudes. “Hope, new direction, let’s turn the page” this is all he has got! He plays round and round with these words. He has no substance or a core! If you get him to sit down and ask him policy questions – he cannot expand and go in details. He reverts back to rhetoric – why is that?
At times one can overlook inexperience but not ingenuity! When confronted with the question of experience he points out that Bill Clinton was inexperienced. Well, he wasn’t – he was the Governor of Arkansas and he did a bloody good job and the state did so well in every front!
Obama is sickening because he is a fake and what more is sickening is the people who endorse him! He is running because good old Oprah egged him on! So, it is Hollywood Vs Heartland people! Go Hillary!!!!
Omaba’s attack on President Clinton
Yesterday Obama attacked President Clinton – he said Clinton is nice and he has done fine things during his presidency [Ah..the faint praise] but he asks self-servingly “Do we want the same old thing?”
President Clinton gave a damn good reply! He said “People look at us and say ‘look at them! They are old..they are yesterday’s news!” then he paused and continued
“Yesterday’s news was pretty good!” and the crowd went ballistic!
Shoot me if I’m wrong but I thought that was the best reply to shut this moron who thinks he can be the president simply because Oprah told him so! How silly is that? It is demeaning and extremely offensive! I still can’t get over the audacity the nerve and the cheek to asks Americans to vote to get him into the White House after 2 ½ years of being in Washington! How power hungry can you be! He is fixated on White House! Where as Look at Hillary she said yesterday in Iowa – “I have been there done that so, what is important for me is what I can do for people”So there you go! She is not seeking to get elected simply to tour the White House unlike Obama!
Advice of Obami
Just a price of advice Obami – if you are really patriotic and sincere as you claim – complete your first term in the senate – do the people of Illinois what you promised them when you got elected. Clock up your experience and wait for your turn. He was the first term senator running away from office for a higher office! At least complete your first term in the senate fella will you?
I couldn’t agree more whit what you’ve said!
I question his motives, and ability to have a realistic objective point of view, when he thinks he can be President with so little experience, and jumps in the race after just having people praise him for a speech and people encouraging him to run…..and he suddenly thinks he has a chance of winning.
And what does that say about how he views the Presidency?
That just about anyone can be President?
Ok…take away george w. bush, and you get what I mean. continue…
I read a long article from the time he was going to give his speech at the democratic convention in ‘04. He clearly saw it as a make it or break it kind of situation, so already there you could see his ambition reeking.
And again, it makes me question him.
I would have loved to support him for President, I think he could be a great President, SOME DAY!!! He just shows he is not ready, by making this poor decision. I wished he could have waited!
And I absolutely despise Oprahs decision to endorse him, with her you can always tell when her ‘black pride’ enters, and fogs her mind.
Obama has potential to go far but he jumped his gun too soon. With all his false pretences to be all innocent and anti-establishment and his young black revolutionary that sort of is sweeping away the racial differences just because he is from a mixed background – just irritates the crap out of me. Seems like a load script fed from the Oprah Winfrey Show. A person with his potentials has to strengthen it further his skills and learn the ropes. Again as I said before experience isn’t everything but he comes across as a person who lacks insightfulness which is what we need at this time in our country’s history! He can ask himself – what difference will his candidacy offer more than say a Hillary candidacy? Give me one good offer that will top hers? And why will you seek your candidacy if you know you are not the best!
As far as Oprah is concerned – she made a fool of herself with “A million little pieces” and called in Larry King to defend James Frey the author and said she doesn’t care if parts of the book is fabricated but she believes in the essential truth. Now, after she made this – media “pundits” ganged up on her in their columns and little Ms.Winfrey did a live stunt which was disgusting and what one could only term as a hunt on National Television accusing James Frey of misleading her and she had tear welling up in her eye. Ms. Winfrey did this to restore her credibility!
After this episode lots of people who were Oprah fan started to take her statements with a pinch of salt. They did not abandon her totally but she is just like anyone – a person who will go to any lengths to serve her interests. Nothing extraordinary there! So, her endorsing Obama is no biggie! I suppose she has a crush on him and also wants to see a black man [50% white] elected president before she dies so she can feel she lived in the great era. I just know how Oprah’s mind works. Mind you everything she touches doesn’t become gold. She might want to look after the little media empire she has created obsessing about herself. Does anyone remember her movie “Beloved” She produced that – did heaps of publicity. Poor Tony Morrison was sick of the movie and the movie failed at box office miserably push Ms.Winfrey into deep depression for months by her own little confessions that she regularly does on her shows.
Now, that we have gotten over her credibility – I think she should just stick to her show and not push herself into political endorsements. As much as we enjoyed watching Ms.Winfrey jumping up and down on one of her give away shows – American Presidency is not one of her favourite things to give away!!
Without being too personal as someone who has followed Ms.Winfrey for a long time – I have noticed that she is a black republican. A preaching evangelical who is a war monger! People who attack Hillary’s 2002 vote for military action if diplomacy fails – should attack this veiled black republican Oprah Winfrey! In one of her shows – there is a video on youtube – if you use the key words “Oprah War” – in that clip you will see her shouting down a poor woman who raises doubts about American invasion of Iraq. She sat there self-righteously proclaiming that we are the liberators of Iraq, Toe-curling stuff! She pretends to be a liberal but for long time viewers of her show – we know that she simply is not. People who are not emotionally invested can pick that out.
Sorry I can go on and on if you get me started on Oprah Winfrey. Again – does that mean I dislike Oprah of course not! I watch her shows love her comments – I enjoy her anecdotes on her life – actually I like oprah. But everyone has a place – I mean areas they can be taken seriously. Oprah is an entertainer and she is no saint – she is self-preserving and that is all I meant to depict when I started the James Frey episode! And again which fool will vote based on an entertainer’s view! It is the single most valued possession on holds in any free country – the right to choose and that cannot be influenced by an entertainer no matter how good of an entertainer they are!
Go Hillary 2008!!!
Just had a minute to view the YouTube video of Oprah-Warmonger…I think that characterization is a bit over the top… Oprah is making repetitive mistakes. She has her researchers do the work for her and she comes in at the end, as the knowledgeable Queen of Talk, and follows through, driving home, the conclusions reached by her researchers.
I don’t agree with the label of ‘Black Republican’ either. That too is a little severe for someone who will go the distance for a cause. ‘Republicans and Help’ are strangers to each other and a far cry from Oprah’s persona. Perhaps she employs a few too many Republican researchers as members of her staff and needs a little restructuring. (a shakeup is in order restoring balance and fair mindedness)
Rather than working to destroy the most powerful woman in the universe, it behooves us to retrofit Oprah back to the old days of good common sense and a wait and see attitude as an essential concern…Make the Rule: “Question”… rather than pontificate, promote, promulgate what appears obvious on the surface, may just be hiding ulterior motives beneath the surface.
To dismiss Oprah out of hand, would be a grave mistake. We’d be the lesser for it in the end. After all, she IS a woman, and is no stranger to the word HELP as is our candidate, Hillary. Let’s focus on what we have in common as the ties that bind us together, rather than good intentions gone wrong, through no fault of our own, as our final epitaph.
The only crowd I saw on July 4 was at the Iowa State Fairgrounds with the Clintons. Do you have a photo of that crowd? I watched the video at C-SPAN, and the Clintons had a huge July 4 audience in Des Moines.
[...] Oops, time to blame the staff again. [...]