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The Funnies

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February 17, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Hillary Clinton Wants To Accomplish On Her Trip Overseas

10 Exchange U.S. dollars for currency that's worth something

9 Win respect defeating Japan's top-ranked sumo wrestler

8 Shift world's perception of America from "hated" to "extremely disliked"

7 Personally thank all of her illegal campaign donors

6 Three words: stylish Indonesian pantsuits

5 Visit burial site of revered Chinese military leader, General Tso

4 Get drunk with that Japanese finance minister guy

3 Convince China to switch from lead-tainted products to mercury-tainted products

2 Catch Chinese screening of Benjamin Button entitled "The Strange Adventures of Freaky Grandpa Baby"

1 Pick up carton of duty-free smokes for Obama

February 16, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Abraham lincoln Would Say If He Were Alive Today

10 "Sup?"

9 "I see Madonna's still a slut"

8 "Who's that handsome sumbitch on the five?"

7 "Is that free Grand Slam deal still going on at Denny's?"

6 "I just changed my Facebook status update to, Tthe 'ol rail splitter is chillaxing'"

5 "How do I get on 'Dancing with the Stars'?"

4 "Okay, Obama, you're from Illinois, too. We get it!"

3 "Hey Phelps, don't Bogart the weed!"

2 "What's the deal with Joaquin Phoenix?"

1 "A Broadway play? Uhhh, no thanks. I'm good."

January 28, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard at the Meeting Between Barack Obama and the Republicans

10 "I miss the Clinton administration when we'd meet at Hooters"

9 "Can we wrap this up? I've got tickets to the 4:30 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop"

8 "Smoke break!"

7 "You fellas really need to take it easy on the Old Spice"

6 "Mr. President: don't misunderestimate the Republicans"

5 "Another smoke break!"

4 "What was the deal with Aretha Franklin's hat?"

3 "About that tax the rich stuff -- you were joking, right?"

2 "Sir, it's refreshing to have a Chief Executive who speaks in complete sentences"

1 "Senator Craig's offering his stimulus package in the men's room"

January 27, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Ways Rod Blagojevich Can Improve His Image

10 Star in new television series, "America's Funniest Haircuts"

9 Quit politics and become a fat, lovable mall cop

8 Start pronouncing last name with Jerry Lewis-like "BLAGOOOYYYJEVICH"

7 Offer a senate seat with no money down, zero percent interest

6 Team up with John Malkovich and Erin Brockovich for hot Malkovich-Brockovich-Blagojevich sex tape

5 Change his name to Barod Obamavich

4 Safely land an Airbus on the Hudson River

3 I don't know...how about showing up for his impeachment trial?

2 Wear sexy dresses, high heels and say, "You Betcha!"

1 Uhhh...resign?

January 16, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Signs Obama's Getting Nervious

10 New slogan: "Yes we can... or maybe not, it's hard to say"

9 In moment of confusion, requested a $300 billion bailout from the bailout industry

8 He's up to not smoking three packs a day

7 Friends say he's looking frail, shaky and...no, that's McCain

6 He's so stressed, doctors say he's developing a Sanjay in his Gupta

5 Been walking around muttering, "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"

4 Offered Governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, $100,000 to buy his old Senate seat back

3 Standing on White House roof screaming, "Save us, Superman!"

2 Sweating like Bill Clinton when Hillary comes home early

1 He demanded a recount

January 8, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Barack Obama Plans To Fix The Economy

10 Encourage tourists to throw spare change in the Grand Canyon

9 End our dependence on foreign owls

8 Sell New Mexico to Mexico

7 Put a little of that bailout money on the Ravens plus 3 at Tennessee. Come on! It's a mortal lock!

6 Rent out the moon for weddings and Bar Mitzvahs

5 Lotto our way out of this son-of-a-bitch

4 Appear on "Deal or No Deal" and hope to choose the right briefcase

3 Bail out the adult film industry -- not sure how it helps, but it can't hurt

2 Release O.J. from prison, have him steal America's money from China

1 Stop talkin' and start Obama-natin'!

January 7, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard At The Presidents' Lunch

10 "Sorry, you're not on the list, Mr. Gore"

9 "If Hillary calls, I've been here since Monday"

8 "Laura! More Mountain Dew!"

7 "You guys wanna see, 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop'?"

6 "Call the nurse -- George swallowed a napkin ring!"

5 "Hey Barack, wanna go with us to Cabo in March? Oh that's right, you have to work!"

4 "Kissey kissey"

3 "Obama? I think he's downstairs smoking a butt"

2 "Did you ever see a monkey sneezing?"

1 "I hope Clinton's unbuckling his belt because he's full"

Recent Articles Calendar

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Rock Steady

One of the most reliable indicators of a modern successful campaign is the ability of the campaign to communicate its message. The communication of the message should be consistent and repeated over and over and over again.

First the campaign must craft a message. That message should be short and to the [...]

Nader Fader

Like a character in a Mel Brooks spoof of Star Wars, wearing a helmet 10 sizes too large, Lord Nader is threatening a return to his role as Ripublican enabler.

It is rather retro, a waste of pixels, for us to even mention Lord Nader and his under the bridge efforts. There are however, some lessons [...]

Hard Times

Always looking for ways to assist those in need.

Unbought tickets galore. For tonight. From Craigslist:

“Greetings, Barack Obama and Ben Harper will be performing/speaking along with many other noted celebs at the Hammerstein Ballroom tonight! Contact me for ticket details, I have over 100 tickets. The event is from 8-10:30, all proceeds will [...]

Music From Big Pink

We will be posting and updating our side pages soon. We will pay particular attention to the page devoted to the wonderful and effective Hillary Team.

The revisions to the Hillary Team page should be done by this weekend. In the meantime we do not want to miss reporting the big story in yesterday’s Washington Post [...]

The Senator From Rezko, Part II

DCDemocrat commented on The Senator From Rezko, Part I. Here is what he wrote:

“I am on the road for business. While I was driving, I was flipping around the radio stations. I found a talk radio show and listened briefly. The commentator was talking about this problem Obama has with Rezko. He was quite agitated [...]

Hillary Leashes Mudball’s Chris Matthews

The good people at Crooks and Liars have the video tape of Hillary once again taking command of an unruly forum.

During the second Democratic Party debate Hillary took charge and the other candidates followed her lead. We noted how Hillary took charge in the same way that many years earlier Ronald Reagan [...]

Bloomberg Warning #2

Update #2 (June 20): We have been asked to comment on the potential impact on Hillary if Bloomberg enters the presidential race. A year ago we were worried about an adverse impact. Now though, having seen Hillary while campaigning and the quality of her organization and strategy there is little to worry about. [...]

Campaign Songs

The Hillary Clinton For President campaign has chosen the campaign song. Bill Clinton and Hillary introduce their selection in a cute and funny video twist of the Sopranos TV show finale.

Go here to see the video.

Of course there are 2 famous men running for the Democratic nomination (as well as [...]

Hillary Is 44 Fever At Epidemic Levels

We thought you might be amused with us checking in on the EHS taking place on right wing websites. The Today Show this morning featured a Meredith Vieira interview with crackpot Dick Morris and the wonderful Lisa Caputo. The topic was Is Hillary Clinton Unbeatable?

Here’s the transcript of The Today Show [...]

The Senator From Rezko, Part I

“During his 12 years in politics, Sen. Barack Obama has received nearly three times more campaign cash from indicted businessman Tony Rezko and his associates than he has publicly acknowledged, the Chicago Sun-Times has found.”

“Obama has collected at least $168,308 from Rezko and his circle. Obama also has taken in an unknown amount [...]