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The Funnies

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February 17, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Hillary Clinton Wants To Accomplish On Her Trip Overseas

10 Exchange U.S. dollars for currency that's worth something

9 Win respect defeating Japan's top-ranked sumo wrestler

8 Shift world's perception of America from "hated" to "extremely disliked"

7 Personally thank all of her illegal campaign donors

6 Three words: stylish Indonesian pantsuits

5 Visit burial site of revered Chinese military leader, General Tso

4 Get drunk with that Japanese finance minister guy

3 Convince China to switch from lead-tainted products to mercury-tainted products

2 Catch Chinese screening of Benjamin Button entitled "The Strange Adventures of Freaky Grandpa Baby"

1 Pick up carton of duty-free smokes for Obama

February 16, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Abraham lincoln Would Say If He Were Alive Today

10 "Sup?"

9 "I see Madonna's still a slut"

8 "Who's that handsome sumbitch on the five?"

7 "Is that free Grand Slam deal still going on at Denny's?"

6 "I just changed my Facebook status update to, Tthe 'ol rail splitter is chillaxing'"

5 "How do I get on 'Dancing with the Stars'?"

4 "Okay, Obama, you're from Illinois, too. We get it!"

3 "Hey Phelps, don't Bogart the weed!"

2 "What's the deal with Joaquin Phoenix?"

1 "A Broadway play? Uhhh, no thanks. I'm good."

January 28, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard at the Meeting Between Barack Obama and the Republicans

10 "I miss the Clinton administration when we'd meet at Hooters"

9 "Can we wrap this up? I've got tickets to the 4:30 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop"

8 "Smoke break!"

7 "You fellas really need to take it easy on the Old Spice"

6 "Mr. President: don't misunderestimate the Republicans"

5 "Another smoke break!"

4 "What was the deal with Aretha Franklin's hat?"

3 "About that tax the rich stuff -- you were joking, right?"

2 "Sir, it's refreshing to have a Chief Executive who speaks in complete sentences"

1 "Senator Craig's offering his stimulus package in the men's room"

January 27, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Ways Rod Blagojevich Can Improve His Image

10 Star in new television series, "America's Funniest Haircuts"

9 Quit politics and become a fat, lovable mall cop

8 Start pronouncing last name with Jerry Lewis-like "BLAGOOOYYYJEVICH"

7 Offer a senate seat with no money down, zero percent interest

6 Team up with John Malkovich and Erin Brockovich for hot Malkovich-Brockovich-Blagojevich sex tape

5 Change his name to Barod Obamavich

4 Safely land an Airbus on the Hudson River

3 I don't know...how about showing up for his impeachment trial?

2 Wear sexy dresses, high heels and say, "You Betcha!"

1 Uhhh...resign?

January 16, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Signs Obama's Getting Nervious

10 New slogan: "Yes we can... or maybe not, it's hard to say"

9 In moment of confusion, requested a $300 billion bailout from the bailout industry

8 He's up to not smoking three packs a day

7 Friends say he's looking frail, shaky and...no, that's McCain

6 He's so stressed, doctors say he's developing a Sanjay in his Gupta

5 Been walking around muttering, "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"

4 Offered Governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, $100,000 to buy his old Senate seat back

3 Standing on White House roof screaming, "Save us, Superman!"

2 Sweating like Bill Clinton when Hillary comes home early

1 He demanded a recount

January 8, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Barack Obama Plans To Fix The Economy

10 Encourage tourists to throw spare change in the Grand Canyon

9 End our dependence on foreign owls

8 Sell New Mexico to Mexico

7 Put a little of that bailout money on the Ravens plus 3 at Tennessee. Come on! It's a mortal lock!

6 Rent out the moon for weddings and Bar Mitzvahs

5 Lotto our way out of this son-of-a-bitch

4 Appear on "Deal or No Deal" and hope to choose the right briefcase

3 Bail out the adult film industry -- not sure how it helps, but it can't hurt

2 Release O.J. from prison, have him steal America's money from China

1 Stop talkin' and start Obama-natin'!

January 7, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard At The Presidents' Lunch

10 "Sorry, you're not on the list, Mr. Gore"

9 "If Hillary calls, I've been here since Monday"

8 "Laura! More Mountain Dew!"

7 "You guys wanna see, 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop'?"

6 "Call the nurse -- George swallowed a napkin ring!"

5 "Hey Barack, wanna go with us to Cabo in March? Oh that's right, you have to work!"

4 "Kissey kissey"

3 "Obama? I think he's downstairs smoking a butt"

2 "Did you ever see a monkey sneezing?"

1 "I hope Clinton's unbuckling his belt because he's full"

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Hillary – The Musical

Update: Check out this link which provides the video of 2 of Hillary’s best moments from last night. The video provides an overlay of how the focus group watching the debate reacted to Hillary. Watch those lines go up and up.
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The Democratic Party debates are turning into pleasant affairs for Hillary supporters. We come out whistling and repeating Hillary’s best moments, of which there are many. It’s like watching The Sound Of Music. Sure, there are moments of trouble when we get nervous for our plucky heroine. But we know from the first shot of the Salzberg mountains that everything will turn out all right.

Last night’s debate was fraught with peril. It was after all held in an African-American college, with many supporters of a very serious African-American contender. Shouts of “Obama” were heard throughout the hall when Obama entered. He was the home team favorite. But strangely, on the two questions that Obama should have done the best — he did the worst. The questions were on Africa and Hurricane Katrina. He meandered so, it was evident he did not know what to say. Hillary, we were confident, knew what to do about these issues right now. Dare we say it? She’s READY!

Politico:

And, once again, Hillary, as her campaign officially refers to her, looked like she was in charge, with a command of the issues and even some soaring rhetoric now and again: “Yes, we have come a long way. But, yes, we have a long way to go. The march is not finished.”

But time and again, she spoke clearly and compellingly. At the beginning of this campaign, her opponents had hoped she was going to turn out to be Humpty Dumpty, just waiting to fall and shatter into a million pieces. Instead, she has turned out to be King of the Hill. If anybody is going to really challenge her, they better find a way to do it in these debates.

Traditional home of the Hillary bashers (The New York Post):

Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton was the runaway winner over the race’s lone black candidate in the Democratic debate, according to groups of African-American voters in Harlem and Washington, D.C.

In the nation’s capital, 33 undecided voters who identified themselves as people of color and who supported John Kerry in 2004 scored last night’s face-off an overwhelming victory for Clinton.

Twenty-seven participants gave the former first lady the nod, compared to just two who went with Barack Obama.

Associated Press:

Obama, the only black running for the White House, came into a debate Thursday night at predominantly black Howard University with the crowd on his side, chanting his name as all eight Democratic candidates posed for pictures on stage. But Hillary Rodham Clinton appeared to win many of them over in an impassioned performance that addressed their anger over inequality.

Ripublican Robert George:

She set the tone from the first question about whether race was still an “intractable problem” in America. While agreeing with the question, she noted that the diversity of the Democratic field (including herself) showed how far America had come.

She did her homework in mentioning a line from the best seller that moderator Tavis Smiley edited, “A Covenant With Black America,” and dovetailed that with a reference to the failures shown in Hurricane Katrina.

She was prepared for every question with precise responses that rarely went over the one-minute time limit – even while squeezing in a Paris Hilton joke.

As the debate drew to a close, she got this nearly all-black, very anti-war audience to applaud heartily when she called for an enforceable no-fly zone to stop the genocide in Darfur: “We will shoot down [Sudanese government planes]! It is the only way to get their attention!”

In making that statement, she accomplished two things:

(1) She told the audience about her commitment to an issue in Africa, and (2) more importantly, for a broader audience, she demonstrated – as in other debates – that this woman is not afraid to use military force.

Other candidates had their moments, but none that came close to Clinton.

Barack Obama obviously connected with the audience when he reminded them that without Brown vs. Board of Education, he wouldn’t have been on the stage.

But, after that, his answers were boilerplate.

Iowa’s Des Moines Register:

The New York senator turned in the single most impressive performance during a debate among the Democratic presidential candidates Thursday night in Washington, D.C.

Clinton was crisp, cogent and methodical in her answers. She understood better than any of the other candidates the need for terse answers when so many candidates are given so little time in which to answer questions.

It’s more than just a debating skill. American presidents lead the nation through television appearances, and Clinton’s performance Thursday night suggests she can do that. She showed she has mastered the ability to put a lot of information into a few seconds on the tube.

She did that by talking more about solutions instead of yammering about how bad the problems are. Some of her opponents, who’ve had careers in the U.S. Senate or House, didn’t get to the point before their time was up.

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1 comment to Hillary – The Musical

  • sandy1938

    I agree, it was nail-biting to watch the crowd cheer “Obama” in the beginning……But as usual, Hillary Clinton’s command of the issues, her sense of timing, and her overall depth of knowledge won the audience over…..

    Can you imagine if the debate were held at Welsley? If OBAMA cant even hit a home run with the home field advantage, he is in serious trouble.

    And!!!! Bravo to HILLARY’s EXPERIENCE CAMPAIGN for making OBAMA’s slight fundraising lead the story before a holiday weekend. It will be OLD NEWS, and under-reported before OBAMA decides to announce it.

    Its fun being a HILLARY supporter….So many wins, so little time.