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The Funnies

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February 17, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Hillary Clinton Wants To Accomplish On Her Trip Overseas

10 Exchange U.S. dollars for currency that's worth something

9 Win respect defeating Japan's top-ranked sumo wrestler

8 Shift world's perception of America from "hated" to "extremely disliked"

7 Personally thank all of her illegal campaign donors

6 Three words: stylish Indonesian pantsuits

5 Visit burial site of revered Chinese military leader, General Tso

4 Get drunk with that Japanese finance minister guy

3 Convince China to switch from lead-tainted products to mercury-tainted products

2 Catch Chinese screening of Benjamin Button entitled "The Strange Adventures of Freaky Grandpa Baby"

1 Pick up carton of duty-free smokes for Obama

February 16, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Abraham lincoln Would Say If He Were Alive Today

10 "Sup?"

9 "I see Madonna's still a slut"

8 "Who's that handsome sumbitch on the five?"

7 "Is that free Grand Slam deal still going on at Denny's?"

6 "I just changed my Facebook status update to, Tthe 'ol rail splitter is chillaxing'"

5 "How do I get on 'Dancing with the Stars'?"

4 "Okay, Obama, you're from Illinois, too. We get it!"

3 "Hey Phelps, don't Bogart the weed!"

2 "What's the deal with Joaquin Phoenix?"

1 "A Broadway play? Uhhh, no thanks. I'm good."

January 28, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard at the Meeting Between Barack Obama and the Republicans

10 "I miss the Clinton administration when we'd meet at Hooters"

9 "Can we wrap this up? I've got tickets to the 4:30 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop"

8 "Smoke break!"

7 "You fellas really need to take it easy on the Old Spice"

6 "Mr. President: don't misunderestimate the Republicans"

5 "Another smoke break!"

4 "What was the deal with Aretha Franklin's hat?"

3 "About that tax the rich stuff -- you were joking, right?"

2 "Sir, it's refreshing to have a Chief Executive who speaks in complete sentences"

1 "Senator Craig's offering his stimulus package in the men's room"

January 27, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Ways Rod Blagojevich Can Improve His Image

10 Star in new television series, "America's Funniest Haircuts"

9 Quit politics and become a fat, lovable mall cop

8 Start pronouncing last name with Jerry Lewis-like "BLAGOOOYYYJEVICH"

7 Offer a senate seat with no money down, zero percent interest

6 Team up with John Malkovich and Erin Brockovich for hot Malkovich-Brockovich-Blagojevich sex tape

5 Change his name to Barod Obamavich

4 Safely land an Airbus on the Hudson River

3 I don't know...how about showing up for his impeachment trial?

2 Wear sexy dresses, high heels and say, "You Betcha!"

1 Uhhh...resign?

January 16, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Signs Obama's Getting Nervious

10 New slogan: "Yes we can... or maybe not, it's hard to say"

9 In moment of confusion, requested a $300 billion bailout from the bailout industry

8 He's up to not smoking three packs a day

7 Friends say he's looking frail, shaky and...no, that's McCain

6 He's so stressed, doctors say he's developing a Sanjay in his Gupta

5 Been walking around muttering, "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"

4 Offered Governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, $100,000 to buy his old Senate seat back

3 Standing on White House roof screaming, "Save us, Superman!"

2 Sweating like Bill Clinton when Hillary comes home early

1 He demanded a recount

January 8, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Barack Obama Plans To Fix The Economy

10 Encourage tourists to throw spare change in the Grand Canyon

9 End our dependence on foreign owls

8 Sell New Mexico to Mexico

7 Put a little of that bailout money on the Ravens plus 3 at Tennessee. Come on! It's a mortal lock!

6 Rent out the moon for weddings and Bar Mitzvahs

5 Lotto our way out of this son-of-a-bitch

4 Appear on "Deal or No Deal" and hope to choose the right briefcase

3 Bail out the adult film industry -- not sure how it helps, but it can't hurt

2 Release O.J. from prison, have him steal America's money from China

1 Stop talkin' and start Obama-natin'!

January 7, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard At The Presidents' Lunch

10 "Sorry, you're not on the list, Mr. Gore"

9 "If Hillary calls, I've been here since Monday"

8 "Laura! More Mountain Dew!"

7 "You guys wanna see, 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop'?"

6 "Call the nurse -- George swallowed a napkin ring!"

5 "Hey Barack, wanna go with us to Cabo in March? Oh that's right, you have to work!"

4 "Kissey kissey"

3 "Obama? I think he's downstairs smoking a butt"

2 "Did you ever see a monkey sneezing?"

1 "I hope Clinton's unbuckling his belt because he's full"

Recent Articles Calendar

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Iowa

Update: Check our Primary Calendar page for a full list of when states vote next year.  February 5, 2008 looks decisive at this point.  As we state below, we will have a fuller analysis of the implications of the calendar next week.   [Please Note:  we are beginning a rollout of the pages listed on the left [...]

Howl

We are great admirers of The Daily Howler. We don’t always agree with it but at times the Howler has been a sole voice of fairness and intelligence on the internet. The Daily Howler has documented the ways in which election 2000 was debased by Big Media and threatens to debase the 2008 election. The [...]

Lost Souls: Authors With Nothing Better To Do And How They Have Exposed Hillary (Rodham) Clinton’s And Abraham Lincoln’s Ham Handed, Calculating, Conniving Contrapting Plots To Seize The White House: The Publicity Campaign To Stop This Unless…

Big Media, Hillary Haters and campaign opponents are all atwitter about 2 books about to be published. They hope that these books will demolish the Hillary for President campaign.

We recall years ago when Tucker Carlson stated he would eat his shoe if Hillary’s upcoming autobiography Living History sold 1 million copies. Soon thereafter he was [...]

Welcome Bill Richardson

Bill Richardson, the Governor of New Mexico formally announced yesterday he is running for president in 2008. We welcome him to the race. We will not sing too many of his praises here. We are sure websites will pop up to do the praise singing for him. We will note that many Democrats thought Governor [...]

The Village Steps Up

Update: Newsday reports from Hillary’s speech today. “There are so many places to cut the money that is being spent in this government. Let’s start by cutting 500,000 of the private contractors the Bush administration has had who don’t do a job that is held accountable in any way,” Clinton said, adding that ending [...]

Confuse Your Friends

A little housekeeping note before we do our regular post or posts.

The “Hillary Is 44!” campaign buttons will be shipping this week. We will soon all be able to strut around our towns and villages proclaiming our candidate of choice — with her name literally on our chests. We have put up a galley [...]

Obama Fights The Facts

Last Sunday Barack Obama appeared on This Week. His appearance was such a disaster we wrote 2 articles about it. The first article which we want to update was called Obama’s $925,000 Question. We thought it was a tough realistic piece about Obama’s dubious ethical judgements when he bought his house with the assistance of [...]

Big Media Wal-Mart Attack On Hillary

Update:  The New York Times is trying to claim that their article is published on Sunday, May 20, 2007.   For the record the article was published early on the morning of Saturday, May 19, 2007.  We guess they rather deceive their readers as to the actual date of publication.  The New York Times is trying to [...]

Move-On Attacks Obama?

Anti-war group Move-On sent an email yesterday asking for money to run advertisements against Democrats who use Ripublican talking points. Move-On is angry because a certain U.S. Senator said this regarding a cut-off of funding for the Iraq war:

“We don’t want to send the message to the troops’ that Congress does not support them.”

Move-on is [...]

The Ripublican Playbook

Ripublicans have their business-as-usual playbook. They love to label Democrats as flip-floppers. Big Media, cooperating with Ripublicans, loves to keep score with that Ripublican playbook. In recent past national elections the Ripublicans screamed “flip-flop” and unthinking Big Media took out their rubber stamp and start pounding away. It happened again yesterday.

The Senate early in the [...]